Damnation; Party of one

Test

2011-07-25T00:06:00.001-04:00

Droid test

Shitters full

2011-07-24T23:59:00.001-04:00

Like I really want to go outside in the rain..

More drunk follies

2011-07-24T23:46:00.001-04:00

I knew I'd want a coke in the morning so drunk me, knowing I'd want it to be cold put it in the freezer so sober me would have it to drink in the morning.. Great idea.

Fitting..

2011-07-24T20:18:00.001-04:00

I need this made into a t-shirt

Invisible fortune

2011-07-24T20:16:00.001-04:00

I took a hdr pic of the fortune from my cookie and it looks like this?

Hello cardiac arrest..

2011-07-24T02:16:00.001-04:00

..I'll be seeing you shortly

So what you are saying is..

2011-07-24T02:15:00.001-04:00

I can't haz go on river?

Shitters full!

2011-07-24T02:13:00.001-04:00

Like I want to wander outside to use the pisser while I'm drunk.

Irony

2011-07-24T02:09:00.003-04:00

Its like I'm following myself on twitter

Irony

2011-07-24T02:03:00.001-04:00

Its like I'm following myself

Jay set's the bar on fire.. literally

2011-07-19T13:27:00.002-04:00

As you may or may not know by now I am a Mexican food fanatic, and the best part of eating Mexican is 90% of the time their margaritas are killer.

One summer I visited my buddy TK in Va. Beach for about 2mon’s and he had an “authentic” Mexican joint like 5 blocks down. So needless to say the folks that run this joint and I became close..

Now this joint isn’t the classiest of joints around but they did have good food. Traditionally it was more of a restaurant than a bar although it did have a bar in it. Now then, as odd at it seems the norm consisted of TK and I sitting at a table eating/drinking, then at times depending on what the bar scene looked like, motivating bar-ward after the meals were finished.

This particular day however I was not real hungry so I just ordered my usual, which was a pitcher of margarita, rim of the pitcher salted. I know this may confuse you. “Why salt the rim of the pitcher?” you may be asking. Well kids, it is because that’s how I roll. I don’t have time to screw around with filling those pansy martini looking glasses. No sir, I go straight to the source, I shoot it straight from the pitcher. (After the first week of me doing this they actually bought some of those super long straws like 7-11 has. Kind of funny.)

Now, these Mexican dood’s loved me. I could tell them the most vulgar shit right in front of their customers as they wait on tables an they never got mad. The customers however, well, fuck them.

About two pitchers into this evening It’s time to make my first trip to el grande pisser. As I walk in I immediately notice a mop bucket. Now to most people this would mean nothing and they would walk on past thinking nothing of it. Well, me to, this time around. However I did get a good chuckle as I wandered to the stall. If you have already read my story “Siwel vs. the mop bucket” (and you should have being it was a few stories before this one) then you know what I am getting at.

I make my way back to our table and sit down with a crooked grin on my face. TK just gives me that “oh god, what did you do now” look. Second pitcher gone an I see my third on it’s way. (I don’t even have to order at this place they just bring them to me until I tell them to stop). Our waiter Paco (no clue what his real name is) stops and asks TK if he needs anything. Immediately I interrupt to tell our waiter about the mop bucket in the bathroom and why he should remove it. He is concerned that the presence of it in the bathroom upsets me. I assure him it is nothing of the sort, and he laughs and asks why it is that it be removed so promptly..

As I begin my story 2 other waiters hear the laughter erupting from not only the waiter but TK as well. Apparently TK had never heard the mop bucket story.
(incase you skipped my previous mop bucket story I will tell you, in short, it involves an unattended mop bucket in a bar bathroom and me taking a massive jager dump in it)
There are 2 tables within ear-shot of me and I am making no effort to be quiet. Mortified by this story two old people who were seated by my table get up and walk out.
No shit.
I guess casual talk about jagermeister giving you the ass-piss was just too much for them to handle while they tried to decide what to order for dinner.
Well fuck them.

Third pitcher is 1/3 in the books when it is decided that TK and I should have Paco top our pitchers off with tequila. (Great idea!). He looks and kind of laughs at us as he takes our pitchers off to the bar. The other table beside of us who did not leave when the mop bucket story took place sees that we are well on our way of becoming shit-holed and apparently they want no part of it as they grab their plates and head to the bar. Ha, up tight pricks anyhow. (I couldn’t wait for an opportunity to go talk to them).

Paco has returned with our pitchers and is laughing about the people who were once a table over from me. Apparently they told him their reason for relocation was due to my colorful language and my less than gentlemanly like conduct. Fuck them, we have two pitchers of supercharged margarita’s to drink.

As we look down at these two pitchers of heartburn in the making TK say’s two words which seals the fate of Jay checking out for the evening and my alter ego Siwel making his grand appearance. Those two words were “let’s race”.

Now I don’t know if you have ever tried to chug a pitcher of margarita. Most of what our society considers to be “normal” people have never tried it nor have they even thought of it, or considered it to be a good idea.
Fuck them, I am no normal mortal man.
I accept this challenge and I shall come out as the victor even if it kills me.

I stand up on my chair to announce this challenge to the entire establishment.
Game on.
3/4 of the way into this pitcher I am spent. I sit it down, no longer can I hang.
TK sits his down as well and is glad to see he lasted just slightly longer than I. He is an asshole. The remainder of the two pitchers get drank at a slightly slower pace and I ask for the check.
We are not leaving. Oh no, no, no.
Earlier in the day it was agreed that I would buy dinner that night and TK would pick up the tab on our boozing adventure after. I pay Paco and to the bar we head.
You can just imagine how excited the two people who had left their table to go sit at the bar and eat were when they seen that TK and I were heading in their direction. (By this time I have reached shit-holed drunk. Siwel is standing dormant waiting to step in).

In need of something to chase all of this sour mix and tequila down I order a 32oz bud light. Yea I know, but it’s really all they had on tap that was what I considered drinkable.
I take a few drinks and notice the couple at the bar trying their hardest to pretend that I do not exist.
This does two things.
1. It pisses me off, and
2. It adds fuel to my fire.

Beer is not going to do the trick.
If I am going to really piss these people off I am going to need the help of my alter ego. Hard liquor here we come.
I slam down the rest of my beer as fast as a human being possibly can and start yelling incoherent shit to the bartender. He laughs as he walks over to ask what it is I am in need of. I point to the couple and say “GET ME, MY BUDDY, AND THOSE TWO FUCKERS OVER THERE A ROUND OF FLAMING DR. PEPPERS.”
Instantly the couple at the bar are once again mortified by not only my language but now for the fact that I am fully acknowledging their existence and want to interact with them.
(Ladies and gentlemen, Jay has left the building. Siwel has arrived)
The bartender has not the slightest idea what in the hell a flaming Dr. Pepper is, how to make it, or if I’m just pulling this out of my ass which I have been known to do at time. I assure him it is indeed real and offer my assistance in helping him make them.
I have 4 pint glasses out. The couple at the bar both notice this and make their opinions clear that they want no part of this drink but “Thank you anyhow”.
Yea well fuck them, I will make 4 and they can watch TK and I do them.
Apparently as I was pouring the 151 atop the shot glasses I spilt some of it, ok, quite a bit of it onto the bar. Ah well, no big deal.
Now the traditional way of doing this is to take a mouthful of 151 and blow it out into a flaming lighter/match but the last time I tried that my hand was left bare and slightly scorched, so I opted for the other method which was just lighting the glasses individually.

This is when disaster strikes.

Remember that spilt 151 I was telling you about? Well perhaps I, or the bartender should have cleaned this up before deciding to take part in a fiery magic show.

Poof.
There we are, the bar is now on fire.

Instantly I fall into a fit of raging laughter. This is the absolute funniest shit I have ever seen at this point. The couple who were at bar run in terror as the 151 burns off the top of the bar.
A few seconds later the fire is out but TK, the bartender and I are still standing there in shock-and-awe laughing our asses off.

It is then decided that I should not be in charge of anything flammable.
I loudly and violently dispute this decision repeatedly but am overthrown by a two to one vote. I am displeased at this outcome but my attention is quickly diverted to another round of Dr. Pepper.

The couple that was at the bar is now at the other end of the joint talking to their previous waiter demanding their check. They were so scared by my fiery performance that they refuse to even go back to the bar to finish their meals.

This gives me a sense of fulfillment that you just cant buy.

How many people do you know that are able to go into a public place and unintentionally (Sort of) scare the absolute hell out of a person so bad that they leave without finishing their meal or whatever their intent was for being there?

I make an announcement to the bar explaining this act and order more Dr Peppers.

I rule.

Jay's chili - how to

2011-07-09T14:31:00.002-04:00

I had to kind of guesstimate the measurements on this being as I just kind of freehand it all in.. But this is close enough.
You can add/subtract the ammounts of things to make it spicy-hot to your taste.

-What you will need;

x2 jars of HOT Salsa "brand pending on what type you like"
x1 big can of tomato juice
x1 equally sized bottle of v8 juice
x6 cans of dark red kidney beans
x2 cans of light red kidney beans
x1 pound and a half or so Hamburger
x1 bottle of Worstishire sauce
x1 bottle of A1 steak sauce
x1 bottle of Chili powder
x1 bottle of Tabasco sauce
x1 shaker of Salt
x1 shaker of Pepper
x6 packets of "fire" tacobell sauce
x1 case of beer (for you, not the chili)

-Steps in the creation;

Open case of beer, set on counter
Locate large pot and skillet
Chug one beer and throw can in trash
Unpack all ingredients from the bags or locations in which they currently reside

Drink beer

Put hamburger in skillet and lightly sprinkle Salt and Chili Powder on it
Wash hands

Drink beer

Add 2 table spoons of Worstishire Sauce
Add 2 table spoons of A1 sauce
Lick the A1 off of the spoon

Drink beer

Turn heat on and begin frying
As it is frying stir in half jar of Salsa
Add small ammount of Tabasco sauce "use your own judgement"

Drink beer

Continue chopping with potato masher while frying until completely done
Take spoon you licked A1 off of to capture small ammount of Hamburger from skillet and let cool in spoon while you..

Drink beer

Taste and judge if it needs more simmering

Drink beer

Dump into strainer to let excess grease drain
While waiting on Hamburger to drain..

Chug 2 beers

Grab large pot
Add the other half of Salsa from the Hamburger mix
Open each can of beans and drain the watery shit off of them, dumping each can in

Drink beer

Sprinkle 1 1/2 tablespoons of Sugar on top
Sprinkle Pepper on top
Add 1 jar of salsa
Add 6 packets of tacobell sauce
Add 2 tablespoons of A1 sauce
Lick A1 off of spoon

Drink beer

Add small ammount of Tabasco sauce "use your own judgement"(warning: judgement may be impaired at this point)

Check Hamburger to see if it is drained
Grab small handfull and eat

Drink beer

Add Hamburger
Pour in can of Tomato juice
Pour in can of V8 juice

Drink beer

Turn heat on high and bring to near boil

Drink beer

Turn heat down to low, cover and simmer for 1/2 hour stirring occasionally

Continue drinking beer

I know what you are thinking. "Is the beer really a necesary element in the process of and completion of creating this chili?"
The answer of course is YES
I dont mind cooking, but to say I enjoy it would be the equivalent to me saying "you know, I been thinking, and being a homosexual may not be all that bad.."
So you have to throw the beer in to mix things up a bit.
It gives the male an appearance of still being manly while creating a manly looking meal. It also impairs the judgement enough to add just a bit too much Tabasco which gives it the hot "death" kick to the mix.

An old blog before I found my dog

2011-07-09T14:23:00.001-04:00

For oh, quite some time I have wanted either a solid white Pitbull or a solid white Bull terrier. This search has allowed me to come in contact with some very interesting individuals.
Here are just 2 examples of this. The rest I compiled into one big "Siwel" archive story to read.

Anyhow I needed an update so here ya are ferrets.. Groove on.

2 weeks ago I located an awesome adult white Pitty in South Charleston. I talk to the guy an he's kinda ghetto. I agree to come pick the dog up, then never hear from him again. Today, 2 weeks after our initial calling he calls me and this is how the convo goes;

him; Aye yo man, I isnt mean to be aviodin yous calls n' shit I just been busy ya know.

me; uh, yea thats cool. so when can i come get him?

him; aw dog you know wut happend? dat boy went an knocked up dis bitch we got an now shes gona have some pups man

me; uhm, ok?

him; yea dawg see i not really wantin get rid of him yet not til after dem pups be born an shit ya know. not gona let him be steppin out on his baby momma (he then laughs hystarically)

me; uhhh, right.. so.. ?

him; ah shit man (laughs some more) why dont you gimme a call in bout ohh 6 weeks i be get rid of him to ya then

me; ok dood (hang up)

-not sure why 6wk's but whatever..This was the funniest phone convo I have had with a complete stranger in my life. I was so dumbfounded when I got off the phone I just laughed for like 5min.. then I call this lady;
This lady has 5 pit pups. She emails me quite a few pics and the white one is awesome. Anyhow she gives me her addy an shit so I can mapquest it, as well as her phone # so I give her a call;

me; yea, this is Jay we been playin email tag about the white puppy ya got

her; oh yes, im glad to hear from you instead of email (laughs)

me; well I just mapquested it, it's gona take me oh, about 2 an a half hours to get there, but I plan on leaving in the next 10min.

her; ok that's fine. Oh, wait, did I tell you that the white one you are wanting is deaf? I cant remember if I did or not.

me; deaf? are you shitting me?

her; no (in an unpleased voice due to my useage of the word shit)

me; (highly pissed off now) is it blind an fuckin retarded too?

her; UGH! NO! ASSHOLE! (hangs up on me)

I was pissed off because it was like here, here's this candy lil boy, doesnt it look good? Then at the last minute being like oh yea, I forgot to tell you I found it in the toilet floating in a sea of piss. Her calling me an asshole made me laugh alot tho so I got over it right quick. Yes that was an asshole-ish thing to say but she pissed me off, fuck her anyway.

Joining the FBI

2011-07-09T14:18:00.000-04:00

Just a clip from a convo I had last nite with a friend of mine..On a side note, I AM going to email someone as soon as I get around to it. I'll just peruse the FBI website til I find some email link.. When I do I will blog the responce I get. I am about 99% sure I will get a responce of some sort. Anything that stupid surely could not go unanswered.

Anyhow, enjoy;

Jay x Soprano (12:42:48 AM): dood if the govt ever read my shit, they would def wonder wtf is wrong with me
Jay x Soprano (12:43:04 AM): this guy hates anyone or thing foreign, yet all he talks about is blowing up shit in this counrty

anno*** (12:43:13 AM): lol if they read our conversations...theyd arrest us the next day

Jay x Soprano (12:43:16 AM): lol
Jay x Soprano (12:43:41 AM): theyd start to build a new jail during my trial.. then bury me in the footer

anno*** (12:44:05 AM): lol yeah...wed jus disappear

Jay x Soprano (12:44:28 AM): i think tomorrow im seriously gona find an email link to someone at the fbi or something equally stupid
Jay x Soprano (12:44:31 AM): an shoot them an email
Jay x Soprano (12:44:48 AM): tell them im interested in some sort of job.. say like, since i cant beat them i wana join them
Jay x Soprano (12:44:58 AM): tell them i have seen the movie triple-x an im interested

anno*** (12:45:11 AM): LMFAO

Jay x Soprano (12:45:15 AM): can you fuckin imagine the responce, if any, i would get
Jay x Soprano (12:45:26 AM): that email would be posted above every water cooler in the white house

anno*** (12:45:56 AM): HAHAHA do it

Bored on mem day

2011-05-30T14:18:00.001-04:00

{EAV_BLOG_VER:c11dcdb486b60b6d}

So....

Another random aol convo

2007-11-26T17:43:00.000-05:00

Jay x Soprano (5:02:13 PM): the prosecutor, almost 2mons after my case is over somehow got the judge to agree to send me to a center for "evaluation"

Jay x Soprano (5:02:13 PM): haha

JoshE67 (5:02:37 PM): hahah

Jay x Soprano (5:02:24 PM): i have to go in wed. at noon for a 4 fucking hour evaluation

JoshE67 (5:02:45 PM): does that mean you might be exiting house arrest early

Jay x Soprano (5:02:38 PM): to see if i need alcohol, anger, or any other type of therapy ect

JoshE67 (5:02:55 PM): wtf do you do for 4 hours

JoshE67 (5:02:58 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:02:45 PM): fuck if i know

JoshE67 (5:03:03 PM): is there a box for all of the above

Jay x Soprano (5:02:52 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:03:08 PM): shes like i have to schedule you at noon because we close at 4

Jay x Soprano (5:03:13 PM): im like wtf how long does this take

JoshE67 (5:03:28 PM): haha

Jay x Soprano (5:03:15 PM): shes like 4 hours

JoshE67 (5:03:36 PM): god damn

Jay x Soprano (5:03:23 PM): i said 4 FUCKING HOURS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

Jay x Soprano (5:03:38 PM): so ill prob wind up in anger management

JoshE67 (5:03:58 PM): they probably just test and see if you can sit there for 4 hours without drinking or killing someone

JoshE67 (5:03:59 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:03:48 PM): haha

Jay x Soprano (5:03:58 PM): then she informed me that i had to pay for this shit

JoshE67 (5:04:32 PM): that figures

JoshE67 (5:04:34 PM): fucking law

Jay x Soprano (5:04:23 PM): i told her how bout i just keep my money an dont come

Jay x Soprano (5:04:29 PM): she didnt think it was as funny as i did

JoshE67 (5:04:49 PM): you dont say

JoshE67 (5:04:50 PM): lol

Jay x Soprano (5:05:00 PM): so needless to say wed night ima get drunk prob

Jay x Soprano (5:05:05 PM): ill need a drink after that bullshit

JoshE67 (5:05:32 PM): god who wouldn't

Jay x Soprano (5:06:40 PM): odds are no matter what you do/say they are gona say you need classes

JoshE67 (5:07:05 PM): exactly, which probably cost more money

Jay x Soprano (5:06:56 PM): haha dood get this

Jay x Soprano (5:07:04 PM): classes are $500 a fucking month

JoshE67 (5:07:24 PM): what the fuck

JoshE67 (5:07:24 PM): f that

Jay x Soprano (5:07:15 PM): yea thats what i said

JoshE67 (5:07:38 PM): what do you even get for going to this...if you pass them all you get to leave house arrest early?

Jay x Soprano (5:07:29 PM): haha no

Jay x Soprano (5:07:44 PM): if you pass, they end the same time as your house arrest does

JoshE67 (5:08:07 PM): what does

Jay x Soprano (5:07:55 PM): if you do not pass, your house arrest continues until you do pass

Jay x Soprano (5:07:59 PM): which you pay for as well

JoshE67 (5:08:14 PM): what the hell

JoshE67 (5:08:31 PM): you should kill that prosecutor

Jay x Soprano (5:08:23 PM): so on top of paying my $300/mon i think it is house arrest

Jay x Soprano (5:08:27 PM): 500 in classes?

Jay x Soprano (5:08:37 PM): theres no fucking way man.. im gona tell them fuck you throw me in jail

JoshE67 (5:08:55 PM): you have to pay for house arrest?

Jay x Soprano (5:08:44 PM): haha fuck yea

JoshE67 (5:09:05 PM): what the....

Jay x Soprano (5:09:10 PM): they make a killing off of house arrest dood

JoshE67 (5:09:31 PM): wow if that isnt a kick in the ass

Jay x Soprano (5:09:32 PM): if you have no job it cost 5.50 a day, plus the $75 hookup fee, plus $15 for every drug test

Jay x Soprano (5:09:36 PM): however

Jay x Soprano (5:09:47 PM): if you have a job it cost whatever your hourly wage is per day

JoshE67 (5:10:21 PM): wow

JoshE67 (5:10:24 PM): i cant believe that shit

Jay x Soprano (5:10:39 PM): lol no shit

Jay x Soprano (5:10:49 PM): in my county alone there are over 600 ppl on house arrest

Jay x Soprano (5:11:01 PM): so if i pro-rate it at 5.50 as if no one had a job

Jay x Soprano (5:11:23 PM): for 600 ppl, the income per month is 99k

JoshE67 (5:12:02 PM): god damn...

JoshE67 (5:12:11 PM): they make a killing

Jay x Soprano (5:11:59 PM): no shit

Jay x Soprano (5:12:46 PM): id say if i pro-rated it at minimum wage, which would balance out between the ppl who make good money an those who dnot work..

Jay x Soprano (5:12:48 PM): hmm hang on

Jay x Soprano (5:13:20 PM): 130,500 a month

JoshE67 (5:14:06 PM): thats insane

Jay x Soprano (5:14:15 PM): 1.59mil a year

Jay x Soprano (5:14:17 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (5:14:48 PM): hahah

Jay x Soprano (5:14:38 PM): man i didnt realise it was so much money til now.. now i am pissed off

JoshE67 (5:14:58 PM): i wonder what they pay the people who work in home confinement

JoshE67 (5:15:00 PM): not 1.59 mil a year

Jay x Soprano (5:14:49 PM): lol

JoshE67 (5:15:11 PM): you should call your friend and tell her all this

JoshE67 (5:15:17 PM): tell her to demand a raise

JoshE67 (5:15:17 PM): lol

Jay x Soprano (5:15:04 PM): theres 4 ppl, they all get paid a normal police officers wage

JoshE67 (5:15:24 PM): aka, shit

Jay x Soprano (5:15:16 PM): aka still overpaid

JoshE67 (5:15:48 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (5:15:49 PM): hell yeah

JoshE67 (5:15:54 PM): fuck the po lice

Jay x Soprano (5:16:11 PM): after im off house arrest i should be able to go around the city stealing whatever the fuck i want

Jay x Soprano (5:16:14 PM): i helped pay for it

JoshE67 (5:16:33 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (5:16:37 PM): tell that to the cop

JoshE67 (5:16:40 PM): that'd be a funny story

Jay x Soprano (5:16:27 PM): haha

JoshE67 (5:16:43 PM): "I OWN THIS CITY

Jay x Soprano (5:16:35 PM): i paid for the tires on this cruiser you fat mother fucker

Jay x Soprano (5:16:56 PM): you should of seen the 2 cops who came to my house to hookup the box

Jay x Soprano (5:17:08 PM): the one dood was so fucking fat he couldnt bend over to plug the phone cord in

JoshE67 (5:17:28 PM): hahahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:17:15 PM): i hooked the damn thing up for them

JoshE67 (5:17:33 PM): how the fuck do you pass the tests

JoshE67 (5:17:36 PM): dont they give some sort of physical test

Jay x Soprano (5:17:30 PM): only before you get hired

JoshE67 (5:17:52 PM): after that its all downhill

JoshE67 (5:17:54 PM): apparantly

Jay x Soprano (5:17:46 PM): if they had regular physicals 90% of our police force would be gone

JoshE67 (5:18:06 PM): that would rule

Jay x Soprano (5:17:56 PM): haha no shit

Jay x Soprano (5:18:25 PM): itd be like being in a locked up whore house holding a gun and bill gates debit card

Jay x Soprano (5:18:29 PM): nothing could stop you

JoshE67 (5:19:15 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:20:29 PM): i told ****** i wanted him to take something of mine w/my fingerprints on it and drop off at "the crime scene" while he shot out the window of a bank

Jay x Soprano (5:20:40 PM): that way the cops would be pissed.. knowing i was at home on house arrest

JoshE67 (5:20:58 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:21:13 PM): sadly even tho its impossible, they would arrest me anyways

JoshE67 (5:21:34 PM): i know

Jay x Soprano (5:21:20 PM): thats how the law works in my town lol

JoshE67 (5:21:39 PM): logic doesnt prevail

JoshE67 (5:21:43 PM): insert sad face

Jay x Soprano (5:21:37 PM): ive gotten arrested for shit i not only didnt do, but wasent even in town while it happened

Jay x Soprano (5:21:55 PM): 3k in lawyer fees later im free to go

JoshE67 (5:22:14 PM): lol do the cops just hate you

JoshE67 (5:22:19 PM): cant you like sue the city to get that back

Jay x Soprano (5:22:08 PM): nope

JoshE67 (5:22:26 PM): ..

JoshE67 (5:22:38 PM): how the fuck

Jay x Soprano (5:22:26 PM): and yea, when i was younger the cops and i did not get along.. i was a household name

Jay x Soprano (5:22:27 PM): lol

Jay x Soprano (5:22:39 PM): cops carried pics of me around in their wallets beside pics of their kids

JoshE67 (5:22:59 PM): hahah

JoshE67 (5:23:02 PM): "i arrested jay again today"

Jay x Soprano (5:22:51 PM): haha

JoshE67 (5:23:12 PM): "oh yeah? was it barfighting or public drunkeness or both?"

Jay x Soprano (5:23:16 PM): well actually it was for crossing a crosswalk at 2pm while being white

JoshE67 (5:23:34 PM): "neither, he was stumbling through some peoples yards holding a gun. on the phone with some guy named mobboss"

Jay x Soprano (5:23:25 PM): HAHA

JoshE67 (5:23:45 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (5:23:54 PM): "oh and whoever xarius is, he's apparantly a pedophile"

Jay x Soprano (5:24:17 PM): the name suggest foul play and obviously a challenge greater than our feeble minds can comprehend so we just wrote him up for domestic violence

JoshE67 (5:24:47 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (5:24:57 PM): just outta curiosity

JoshE67 (5:25:01 PM): how many times have you been arrested

Jay x Soprano (5:24:51 PM): i dono

Jay x Soprano (5:24:56 PM): id have to think about it

Jay x Soprano (5:24:58 PM): hang on

JoshE67 (5:25:22 PM): due to the fact that *I* can remember like 5 times off the top of my head

JoshE67 (5:25:24 PM): its got to be a lot

JoshE67 (5:25:25 PM): lol

Jay x Soprano (5:25:38 PM): i think 13 times so far

JoshE67 (5:26:00 PM): hahah

Jay x Soprano (5:26:08 PM): ive only been convicted twice out of those tho

Jay x Soprano (5:26:09 PM): lol

JoshE67 (5:26:30 PM): lol

JoshE67 (5:26:30 PM): jesus

Jay x Soprano (5:26:32 PM): ofc you now see that im serving 6 months house arrest for something very tiny haha

JoshE67 (5:26:53 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (5:27:00 PM): yeah....wonder why

Jay x Soprano (5:26:57 PM): the house does not like to lose.. so when they have an opportunity to win, they win big

JoshE67 (5:27:36 PM): im not surprised

Jay x Soprano (5:27:32 PM): if you figure tho just about every time i was arrested it cost me 3k, i didnt really "win" anything

Jay x Soprano (5:27:32 PM): lol

JoshE67 (5:27:53 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (5:27:58 PM): the lawyers did

Jay x Soprano (5:27:49 PM): lol yea

JoshE67 (5:28:15 PM): i probably look like an idiot laughing my ass off at my screen at my desk at work

Jay x Soprano (5:28:05 PM): the last time i got arrested, before this time when i got house arrest

Jay x Soprano (5:28:10 PM): my lawyer didnt even charge me

JoshE67 (5:28:29 PM): haha

JoshE67 (5:28:37 PM): he figured you already paid him so much he owed you a freebie?'

Jay x Soprano (5:28:28 PM): by the time i was 21, me and my lawyer were seriously friends

Jay x Soprano (5:28:35 PM): haha yea

JoshE67 (5:28:56 PM): a lawyer is a good friend to have

JoshE67 (5:29:01 PM): now you just need to make friends with a judge

Jay x Soprano (5:28:49 PM): dui's he charges 7k for

JoshE67 (5:29:04 PM): and a few cops

Jay x Soprano (5:28:52 PM): charged me 3

Jay x Soprano (5:29:08 PM): yea but my lawyer died this year.. part of why i got fucked this time i think lol

JoshE67 (5:29:28 PM): haha wtf

JoshE67 (5:29:30 PM): how

Jay x Soprano (5:29:18 PM): cancer

JoshE67 (5:29:36 PM): that sucks

Jay x Soprano (5:29:34 PM): he was a raging alcoholic, really cool guy

Jay x Soprano (5:29:48 PM): he had wicked memorial day parties

Jay x Soprano (5:30:09 PM): i was friends w/a judge but he ended up getting in alot of trouble then stepped down haha

JoshE67 (5:30:32 PM): lol you dont say

Jay x Soprano (5:30:39 PM): i used to date a magistrates daughter whom im still friends with too lol

Jay x Soprano (5:30:54 PM): haha

Jay x Soprano (5:31:40 PM): my lawyers name was ****edited****

JoshE67 (5:31:56 PM): hahah

Jay x Soprano (5:31:53 PM): i always said "when in doubt, ****** will get you out"

JoshE67 (5:32:08 PM): thats a kickass name

JoshE67 (5:32:36 PM): haha

Jay x Soprano (5:33:03 PM): he was one of the biggest guys in town.. like you know how rich/popular ppl get all the special treatment lol

Jay x Soprano (5:33:21 PM): it was cool walking into like outback or whatever and he would be yelling at me, drunk, from across the place

JoshE67 (5:33:53 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:33:45 PM): women an children everywhere eating dinner an he's like LEWIS WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING COME OVER HERE AND HAVE A BEER

JoshE67 (5:34:01 PM): its like in fear and loathing in las vegas

JoshE67 (5:34:03 PM): his lawyer

Jay x Soprano (5:33:53 PM): haha exactly

JoshE67 (5:34:10 PM): "wanna do some ether?"

Jay x Soprano (5:34:36 PM): he's the first person i have ever seen to get tired of doing shots of jager at outback and tell them to just bring the fucking bottle over

Jay x Soprano (5:35:23 PM): he poured the whole bottle evenly into i dono i think 5 of us were there, an put it in tom collins glasses

JoshE67 (5:36:24 PM): jesus

Jay x Soprano (5:37:15 PM): every week day he would go to the 19th st country club after work

Jay x Soprano (5:37:28 PM): and drink til he was so fucked up he coudlnt walk.. then drive home haha

Jay x Soprano (5:37:36 PM): weekeneds he usually went to outback

JoshE67 (5:37:56 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:38:43 PM): the irony in this is that here is your lawyer representing you for dui and telling you that you shouldnt drink & drive while his blood never has a chance to recoop from his excess drinking

Jay x Soprano (5:38:49 PM): as he drives around lol

JoshE67 (5:39:05 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:40:58 PM): im gona have my record expunged as soon as my house arrest is over

Jay x Soprano (5:41:14 PM): cause if ppl pull my record.. the look on their face is priceless, but not in a good way

Jay x Soprano (5:41:46 PM): they look at my record like one of jesus' apostles would have looked at a chic blowing a donkey while getting fucked in the ass by a penguin

JoshE67 (5:42:13 PM): hahahaha

Jay x Soprano (5:42:24 PM): im not real sure how a penguin would accomplish this but the one from billy madison may be able to do it

Random myspace stupidity

2007-11-25T22:20:00.000-05:00

There really is no rhyme to reason behind this..
I just logged on myspace an was bored so I blurted this out on my buddy Josh's comment's. I dono why, it just flowed out all on it's own.

I guess I am just in a writing mood right now?

Lately there's alot if insane shit going on at WWE.
Josh is one of the few ppl who is a die hard fan as I am so there's alot of shit-talking on E that goes on in our normal day of BS.

Anyhow, enjoy;

-

Predictions;

In 2009 Linda Bollea will be broke, and realise what a mistake she made. She will then turn to prostitution to pay for her habits.

One dark drunken night while leaving a bar in Chicago you will wander to a cab, in a drunken stuper, and Linda will make you a proposal.

You, in your drunken state will take her up on this offer, thus following up the Hulkster as well as many other ex-pro wrestlers.

Later the following week you will check yourself into the ER due to an itching sensation in your general crotch area. You will come in contact with The Sheik which shares your problem.

You will form an instant bond w/The Sheik and go on Howard Stern and discuss what a filthy, dirty tramp Linda Bollea is.

Upon leaving the show, you will walk outside of the building, and while trying to hail a cab Nick Bollea will ultimatley wreck his car (at a high rate of speed) into you, leaving you wounded, but in semi stable condition.

You will then be restricted to a life of living in a hospital bed where you will be forced to watch re-runs of Hogan Knows Best and eat strawberry pudding. It will not be until late in the year of 2010 when I will come to visit, in a drunken stuper myself, (at 1pm) and fall into your bed accidentally "pulling the plug" of your life support which has sustained you thus far.

I will then utter something along the lines of "Hey, somebody call Dr. House" as I walk out, avoiding direct eye contact with anyone, and avoiding any authority figure I.E. guards/police as I leave the Hospital.

Your funeral will be ruined by the likes of Brooke Hogan singing the national anthem (yea, I dont understand that either) and warding off all of those in attendance.

As your casket is lowered into the hole which has been dug, a cold chill followed by a thick blanket of dense fog will surround the cemetery. The Ghost of Chris Benoit will rise up from the ground, grabbing your coffin, and giving it a german suplex.

Weeks later your next of kin shall file a lawsuit aginst the Ghost of Benoit but be ruled out as you can not sue someone who is legally dead. WWE will in turn issue it's own lawsuit aginst the cemetary for allowing Benoit to work there in the afterlife as it is a breach of his contract with WWE which is still in effect.

The cemetary will counter sue, and lose it's battle in court causing it to close it's iron gates to the community for good.

WWE will then purchase the cemetery at the court house steps for back owed tax's and turn it into a training camp for foreign people with eating disorders. Keeping true to the law of not being able to disturb the final resting places (graves) which reside in the property, your coffin will be used as the septic tank for this facility.

Thus rendering your life, as well as afterlife, helpless in the matter of WWE shitting on you, on a weekly basis.

Hogan knows Jack Shit

2007-11-24T21:17:00.000-05:00

Poor Hulkster..

One day he's receiving the Father of the Year award and the next his son is smashing his car, paralyzing his friend, and now Hogan's wife has filed for divorce.

If you have seen the show Hogan Knows Best then you know what a flaming bunch of fucking retards Hulk has to deal with on a daily basis.

His wife, Linda, is shallow as the kiddie pool at the Special Olympics.
If boobs were brains this bitch would be the next Einstein. Unfortunately for her however they are not, and she is rendered dumb as a fucking rock. I also wonder how she plans to support herself even on the insane amount of money she is going to probably get monthly from Terry "Hulk". This bitch spends money like it's water. One show she even told Hulk he needs to go back to wrestling so he can support her in the lifestyle she is used to. Wow, what a fucking cunt.

Then there's his daughter Brooke.
I really havent much bad to say about Brooke other than her singing career should come to an end before she makes even more of a mockery of herself. If it werent for Paul Wall her debut album wouldnt of sold shit. Either put out gay kiddie shit for the boppers or put out hard core shit for the rest of the masses.. actually, she just needs to put out. She would do well in a porn career.. hell I'd actually watch that, unlike her musical performances.

Last and certainly not least is Nick, aka "Douchy McHogan".
This fucking retard should of been jerked off into the toilet instead of deposited into his mom so he could be conceived. He is probably the first person in history to of gotten pulled over what, eleventeen times in 6 miles and let go. What a cumtrap. I like speeding as much as the next person but ya know what? In evening traffic doubling the speed limit, or attempting to, is a bad fucking idea.. You might hit a light pole or something.. err.. yea, nevermind you already found that out.

Now then, can you imagine being around these fucking idiots day in and day out? I think Hulk deserves an award for having put up with them this long w/out having strangled any of them.

Fuck the Mormons

2007-11-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer;
Now, before you go off the handle and think in some devil worshiping maniac who kills goats and drinks bats blood while chanting incoherent shit at the moon.. I said all the things to these Mormons in order to get them to leave. Not because I am insane.. err.. well.. ok, maybe I am insane but you get the idea.

-

I was sitting on my couch the other evening watching tv when there was a knock at the door. My buddy was sitting in the computer room looking at shit on ebay, so I answer the door.

Oh goody, it's a couple of fucking mormons.

Instantly upon answering the door I realise this and am pretty unhappy that I answered. They start in on their whole do you believe in god speech to which I told them I didnt and bla bla. They ask me if I am into music and I reply yea. One of them asks me what kind of music I am into to which I reply "probably shit that you guys are not supposed to be listening to".

Now then, I thought this was pretty fucking funny..
They however apparently did not see the humor.

Now they are inviting me to their church on sunday to listen to some fucking gospel rock metal some shit I dont know I pretty much stopped paying attention at this point. Finally once he stops yapping I am like look dood im on house arrest, I cant leave my house so I def can not go to your church. He replies to this w/out even skipping a beat.. "oh, well on house arrest you are allowed to go to church. I would be more than happy to talk to your confinement officer for you"

( Edit from Auhor;
^ Yea man, no shit.
Can you fucking believe this?
End edit )

I finally interupt him by saying "look pal, I dont believe in god and I do NOT want to go to your church"

You would think this would make him shut the fuck up and leave right?
WRONG!

He is now more persistant than ever and keeps insisting that he come in my house so we may discuss this and he can change my mind. At this point I am pretty well pissed the fuck off. I am left with no choice than to tell him "look pal, I worship the devil and I really dont think he would like it too much if you were to come inside of here before I summons his minions for tonights worship".

Convinced even after me saying that one of these two fuckwads would come back with something else I slammed the fucking door and locked it.

-

Seriously, I mean WHAT IN THE FUCK?!
What does it take to get rid of these people?

I like rap/metal/ect. but you dont see me going to the house of someone who likes to listen to Classical and argue how my choice of music is best and they should try it. Jesus Christ people, get a fucking hobby.

The Sheik vs. Ultimate Warrior

2007-11-08T17:19:00.000-05:00

If you are not a wrestling fan, or do not remember when the WWE was actually the WWF then you more than likely will have no clue why this is so fucking hilarious. All you have to do is check out youtube, and look up The Iron Sheik. He's been on Howard Stern, ect. and he is a complete nutjob. He hates Warrior, Savage, Hogan, alot of ppl, and he is always making references about fucking them in the ass because they are gay. Yea, that one doesnt make sense to me either..

Anyhow what started out as a convo w/Josh turned into me creating an email address for the Sheik and sending an email on over to the ultimate warrior. I have posted our convo leading up to this event as well as the actual email I sent.. Hopefully I get a responce. Even if the Warrior realises the email is fake, and I am sure he probably will, he is still going to be pissed off. If you take a look at his webpage and/or google him, you will come to find out he is just as fucking insane as the Sheik.

Anyhow, enjoy.

Jay x Soprano (4:24:04 PM): mrwarrior@ultimatewarrior.com
Jay x Soprano (4:24:05 PM): ahahaha
Jay x Soprano (4:24:09 PM): im emailing him
JoshE67 (4:24:46 PM): hahaha do it
JoshE67 (4:24:50 PM): pretend to be iron sheik
Jay x Soprano (4:24:21 PM): HAHA
JoshE67 (4:24:57 PM): register sheikybaby@hotmail.com
JoshE67 (4:25:02 PM): or something to that effect
Jay x Soprano (4:24:35 PM): ok hanghon lemme get something to drink first
JoshE67 (4:25:13 PM): haha ok
JoshE67 (4:25:26 PM): just rant like a lunatic and threaten with lots of assfucking and it'll come across as completely believable
JoshE67 (4:25:41 PM): then register "machomadness@gmail.com" or something and pretend to be savage and challenge him to a real fight

-

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Hossein Ali sheikybaby@yahoo.com
To: mrwarrior@ultimatewarrior.com
Sent: Thursday, November 8, 2007 5:10:38 PM
Subject: ass warrior

ultimate warrior i see you on the spiderweb there with workout i laff in face warrior you workout is suck fuck you warrior you worse than michal jackson warrior are a gay you got the cocain the crack the pot that you smoke i am take the two by 4 from jim dugan and break back on you warrior you are a gay you are fag you are punk you are fag i break two by 4 and fuck in ass you are lucky at when are meet i not break you in back and fuck you in the ass warrior you are fag a gay and i will fuck you in ass warrior

-

So, as you can see.. I am anxiously awaiting a responce from the "Warrior".

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

Fuck WWE

2007-10-30T00:36:00.000-04:00

JoshE67 (3:20:59 PM): When asked about post-wrestling plans, Steiner said he broke 20,000 women he's slept with and he wants to keep on going.

JoshE67 (3:21:07 PM): sounds like this is the career for you

Jay x Soprano (3:27:50 PM): HAHAHA

^ Yea, now THAT was funny.

Moving onward..

Well I finally got my website up.. sort of.
jaysiwel.com is where I will be putting time/effort into from here on out. I havent decided what I am going to do w/the blog as of yet. I am thinking of leaving it here on blogspot though. There really isnt much sense in moving it.. I could just have a link coming here and I think that would work out just fine. Plus an upside to this is my blog gets traffic here already, so why move it to a new and unknown location?

I also got mediamisfits.net so I can create my own ring for writers like myself who just seem to not fit in with the "normal/typical" type of writing. I mean shit, surely I am not the only person out there who rambles off the way I do.. *shrug*.

Yea it's been a while since I blogged.. I been busy writing and trying to finish up my book tho. I think I am going to take a break from it however being that, well, I just need a break. I did buy a new MacBook which I had intended on using to finish my book with.. I have never owned a Mac before and wanted to try it out. Well. I hate it. It sucks.

I ordered Chris Jericho's new book "A lions tail". Reading it will take me away from the writing of my own for a little bit. Honestly I need a break from the norm though.. Sitting on the couch reading a book that's actually interesting is a welcome change to my normal day/evening right now.

Well I really should write some more and tell you all what's been going on these past few months but I am tired. It's almost 1am, and I am fucking beat.
I have been awaiting the return of Chris Jericho to Monday night Raw for some time now, and supposedly tonight was the night it was going to happen.. well.. it didnt, and I am pretty fucking pissed off about it. Raw sucks ass lately and the only reason I have watched it, and gotten the last 2 ppv's is because of the supposed Jericho return. If I had known that he was not going to appear tonight I would of sat on my couch rocking back and forth, side to side, praying for some Towel-Head to call in a bomb threat. Yea, I was THAT mad.

Anyhow..
I had to drop a line and let you know about the websites coming up tough..
Forum for both is in the making as well.

Well that's all folks!
~til next time that is..

Siwel applies for a job at WWE

2007-10-12T13:14:00.001-04:00

Let's face it, WWE sucks lately..
I applied for a creative writer job.

Here's the responce email I got after sedning my "resume". My resume consisted of me just bitching and telling them how great my ideas are. No, I wont get hired, but it was nice to be able to lash out anyways..

I edited my name/addy/ect.

If they do however contact me, I will post the results.

-

Thank you for inquiring about career opportunities with World Wrestling
Entertainment, Inc. If your qualifications match our current staffing
needs, we will contact you directly. We welcome you to apply for other
openings as they become available.

Please make sure to return to our web site and update your profile
periodically to ensure that we have your most current information.

Best regards,

World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.
Human Resources

** Please do not reply to this email. This is sent for confirmation only.

First Name: ****
Last Name: ****
Address 1: ****
Address 2:
City: Parkersburg
State: WV
Zip: 26101
Home Phone: ****
Work Phone:
Email: ****
Current Salary:
Desired Salary: 5.00

PROFILE:

Are you at least 18 years of age?: Yes
Do you have a legal right to work in the country for which this position
resides ? (e.g. US): Yes
Have you ever worked for WWE?: No
Do you have previous professional experience in the sports and/or
entertainment industry?: Yes
Level of Education: Bachelors Degree

RESUME:

I started watching WWF when I was a young child. I am currently 29 years
of age, and have since watched WWF turn to WWE as well as watch the rise
of the best show on television turn into the lowest appealing show on
television.

You have a full staff of creative writers I am sure. However the problem
lies in the types of people you hire. you do not need people who have been
involved in soap operas, tv sitcoms, ect. What you need is fresh minds
with fresh ideas who know about wrestling, and the drama it needs in order
to keep it interesting.

You need fresh characters which have a sense of humor. People like The
Rock, Chris Jericho, Steve Austin. Those people always kept things in a
constant state of uproar.

I will never forget when DX aquired a Tank and went to wage war aginst
WCW. See, that is GOOD writing. It's the funny, and sometimes overdone
storylines that make you want to tune in for every show. You can not wait
to see what happens next.

Take this off the top of my head for example;

A heel, let's say Santino is in the ring. Out of nowhere the Trinatron
starts going crazy with images of prison bars and inmate numbers. Music
kicks in and to the ring wasting no time getting there comes oh, let's say
(the house arrest wrestler). This guy is on huose arrest, or on parole,
with an ankle bracelet. Each match he has to try to rush through before
his PO finds him to haul him back to jail. During each match he is trying
to find a way to cut off his ankle bracelet. Before any match can end his
PO along with police rush the ring to get him and he takes off into the
stands.

In interview's he is allways looking over his shuolder, checking the
people for wires, ect.

-

Just off of the top of my head from nowhere that is one idea right there.
A little rough yes, but not bad considering I blurted it out off the top
of my head.

If you want/need people with creative minds and fresh ideas so fans will
tune in each week to see what is going on next then I suggest you look
into hiring someone like, if not me. Because what you have going on right
now is obviously not working what so ever. Fans do not want to see the
same match every Monday night with a slightly different outcome. The
actual match itself is only about 20% of what they want to see period.
It's the drama, the mouthing, the crazy pranks that the fans want to see.

Take Mr. Kennedy for example. He has the energy and the body language to
pull off a very good character but he lacks the acting. His energy coming
out to the ring rivals some of the greats in their beginning. In
interviews and the like I have seen he has a "goofy" kind of personality.
That is a perfect base to turn him into a great drama causing character. I
think he could be every bit as big as The Rock once was if not bigger. He
has the whole package he just does not know how to use it yet. He needs
someone to write him some lines.

Anyhow, that is my form of a resume for this job. Take it for what you
will.

WWE's house arrest wrestler

2007-10-12T11:49:00.000-04:00

Ok, so the first 1/3 of this blog isnt really that funny, but I left it in there so you would understand wtf we were talking about. For the past oh, 3mon's or so I have seriously given thought of looking into OVW which (Ohio Valley Wrestling).
http://www.ovwrestling.com/

Superstars such as the Hardy's, Batista, Randy Orton, ect. have all came from that school.
Recently I guess Josh got the wrestling bug also..
And with my stretch of 6mons house arrest coming up.. I will have nothing else to do than lift weights at the house on a daily basis.

Anyhow, I looked into it, and they sent me the info I requested ect. along w/phone number to contact them.. so I did. Here's an aim convo w/Josh regarding the matter and what character I should become. (house arrest wrestler).

Jay x Soprano (6:31:45 PM): they finally did get back w/me on the ovw shit

JoshE67 (6:31:56 PM): really? wow

Jay x Soprano (6:31:55 PM): i called an talked to them

Jay x Soprano (6:32:16 PM): basically they told me it doesnt matter how big/small you are.. to an extent

JoshE67 (6:32:29 PM): really?

Jay x Soprano (6:32:25 PM): yea

JoshE67 (6:32:35 PM): what else

Jay x Soprano (6:32:49 PM): eh, not alot really

Jay x Soprano (6:32:53 PM): i asked some normal shit

JoshE67 (6:33:09 PM): what did they mean by to an extent

Jay x Soprano (6:33:14 PM): they said it's not all about body it's alot charisma sp?

JoshE67 (6:33:25 PM): yeah thats right

Jay x Soprano (6:33:33 PM): lol they said to an extent an i was like ok so if im like 4ft an 80lbs it's a no

JoshE67 (6:33:42 PM): well good its nice to hear that actually although im not sure how much that actually applies to WWE when they're looking at people

Jay x Soprano (6:33:37 PM): he laughed an was like yea kinda

JoshE67 (6:33:48 PM): hahah

JoshE67 (6:33:59 PM): so what else did you ask?

JoshE67 (6:34:07 PM): im generally interested because i've been going back and forth with the idea of it for a while

Jay x Soprano (6:34:13 PM): i asked if there were any good bars close by

Jay x Soprano (6:34:14 PM): haha

JoshE67 (6:34:23 PM): lol.

JoshE67 (6:34:25 PM): *click*

Jay x Soprano (6:34:25 PM): he laughed an said yea

Jay x Soprano (6:34:48 PM): he did say the more "character" you have the better off you are

JoshE67 (6:35:02 PM): yeah that makes sense

Jay x Soprano (6:35:02 PM): you are responcible for coming up w/your own gimmic so to speak

JoshE67 (6:35:15 PM): yeah

JoshE67 (6:35:27 PM): from what i heard they sorta guide you but its not like they give you a list and say "pick one"

Jay x Soprano (6:35:30 PM): yea

Jay x Soprano (6:35:38 PM): he told me you have free reign to a point

JoshE67 (6:35:48 PM): so did they tell you to come check it out?

Jay x Soprano (6:35:44 PM): you cant go too extreme

JoshE67 (6:35:53 PM): well yeah

JoshE67 (6:36:03 PM): you gimmick cant be a child molester

JoshE67 (6:36:03 PM): haha

JoshE67 (6:36:06 PM): although that'd be hilarous

Jay x Soprano (6:36:07 PM): yea i told him i was really interested but it'd be 6mon's or so til i could know anything for sure

Jay x Soprano (6:36:17 PM): he told me im welcome to come check things out

JoshE67 (6:36:28 PM): wow awesome

JoshE67 (6:36:36 PM): did you tell him that you have to wait until house arrest is over

JoshE67 (6:36:36 PM): ahahah

Jay x Soprano (6:36:37 PM): haha no but i was going to

JoshE67 (6:36:55 PM): that'd be a funny gimmick actually

JoshE67 (6:37:10 PM): a wrestler constantly on house arrest and acting like he has to hurry up before the law finds out he's wrestling out of state

Jay x Soprano (6:37:10 PM): HAHAHA

JoshE67 (6:37:19 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (6:37:20 PM): seriously

Jay x Soprano (6:37:17 PM): feds coming in at the end of the match an me running out

JoshE67 (6:37:25 PM): and people dressed up as cops chase him out of the arena

JoshE67 (6:37:28 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (6:37:34 PM): and you have to race thru your matches

Jay x Soprano (6:37:31 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (6:37:46 PM): oh i am so logging this convo

JoshE67 (6:38:15 PM): good because that would be the funniest gimmick ever

JoshE67 (6:38:16 PM): hahah

JoshE67 (6:38:29 PM): seriously if i saw that on E i'd watch religiously

Jay x Soprano (6:38:27 PM): haha oh me too

JoshE67 (6:38:36 PM): waiting to see that guy come out and look all paranoid

Jay x Soprano (6:38:37 PM): haha

JoshE67 (6:38:46 PM): and wrestle in an ankle bracelet

JoshE67 (6:38:46 PM): ahahah

Jay x Soprano (6:38:42 PM): hahahaha

JoshE67 (6:38:57 PM): and try to make it look like you're trying to get it off during matches

Jay x Soprano (6:38:56 PM): lol

Jay x Soprano (6:39:09 PM): omg i would laugh my fucking ass off

JoshE67 (6:39:18 PM): your finisher can be you do some kind of side kick to the opponent and hit him with it

JoshE67 (6:39:38 PM): and it cant be considered a foreign object because you cant take it off

JoshE67 (6:39:39 PM): ahahah

Jay x Soprano (6:39:35 PM): my first 5 matches end early cause im runnin from the cops

JoshE67 (6:39:45 PM): hahaha

JoshE67 (6:39:58 PM): as soon as your music hits the cops start running down and you dash into the crowd music still playing

It ain't easy, bein' easy..

2007-07-18T13:15:00.000-04:00

Being famous has it's perks, I mean you can walk into bars and usually get quite a bit of things for free. Be it from the bartender or from just general fans of yours. However there is allways a downside to things..

Everyone is your "friend".
Any time someone asks about you, there will be some jackass who not only knows you, but is "good friends" with you. The two of you probably hangout ALL the time even.

When you are famous, you are viewed as "untouchable" and or "unattainable". This poses a challenge for women..

Sort of on the same note, you are going to have chic's who brag about sleeping with you, even if you infact havent slept with them. If I have gotten as much ass as I have been accused of getting I would never get any rest.

I would have to wake up on Monday morn, start at one end of town going door to door putting my dick in anything female until 3pm. Hey, 3pm is my quitting time no matter what kind of job I have..

Anyhow, back to women talking shit about fucking you when sometimes not only have yuo not fucked them, but you dont even know them.
This happens for a variety of reasons..

1. Knowing alot of girls out there want to fuck you, they get a sense of "haha, in your face bitch, I fucked him and you havent" kind of feeling. Women are bitches, and they will go to great length's to make other women feel of a lesser equal to them.

2. There's allways the coat-tails theory. No matter how bad you suck, if you fuck, or get a believeable rumor started that you fucked someone famous, you automatically climb the social ladder a little bit. The normal every day average girl who doesnt get noticed much now has a bit of the limelight in her direction. Guys will notice this, and think that if she was good enough for someone famous then there must be something about her they are missing..

3. Women are jealous territorial creatures. Even if they do not want you, they will be damned if they will let someone else have you. This goes double if you are famous. She will make it known that she has "been there, done that" and give fair warning for all other females to stay away.. (even if you are with another girl at the time).

4. Then there's allways the plain ol' bragging rights.
Hey, I fucked him.. Who wants to touch me?!

^ That happens to the uber famous people. If you have reached the level of untouchable that your popularity is rivaled only by Jesus Christ himself, this can happen. Jealousy is not shown until later down the road.

Now then, that being said..
This is an AOL convo I had the other night w/some chic I have known for many years. Instantly it became a new topic for a blog.

-

annonchic*** (12:06:55 AM): did i ever tell you that her and tiff wanted me to sleep w/you to join the "lewis club"

annonchic*** (12:07:00 AM): bc they both slept w/u

Jay x Soprano (12:05:00 AM): HAHAHAHA

^ Notice the level of hilarity here. I mean not only am I laughing "haha" I am laughing in all caps "HAHA". That right there shows you the intense humor I seen in those 2 lines of text.

Immediatley I paste this into a windo where me and my buddy are talking.. and this is the responce I get from him.

annon******* (12:08:15 AM): wow dude....youre a fucking legend almost

-

Allmost?
When bitches are bragging about fucking you, lieing about fucking you, and flat out wanting to fuck you, you are not a legend..

..you are a fucking GOD.

Anyhow, I have things to do, so that's enough of me preaching about how fucking awesome I am.

til next time..

Alcohol, my dearest

2007-07-06T15:54:00.000-04:00

This, I found pretty much hilarious.. tho I did edit it a bit.
Friend of mine posted it on her blog and I swoofed it from her. Not sure where she aquired it from, but anyhow I give Bgirl credit for finding it.

I'll throw in my own comments in (these)

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: Whilst I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

(see, for some reason we allways want to talk to an ex at this point.. be it to tell them off or to tell them we are sorry about the past usually depends on what we are drinking. Liquor makes me mean, so usually it's to tell her what a fucking bitch I think she is, and that I thought I should share it with her before I forgot. Beer doesnt make me mean, but usually I do the same.. What can i say, im an asshole)

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat at Hardees, The omlette Shoppe, and a few other excessively disgusting places? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

(I fucking hate Hardees with a passion.. but many a time I can remember waking up with a damn Monster burger wrapper on my ipllow)

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock!

(man, the first time I tried ecstacy I got way fuckin loaded.. I lost the keys to my fucking car in my front yard, in the snow. I didnt find them again til spring)

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

(yea really, I mean come on. We have been friends since I was like 13.. give me a fuckin break would ya? I dont go beating you off of walls and floors, so why do you make my head feel like it has been? Cmon' give me a break would ya?)

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

(Ah fuck, I swear I had like $400 on me last night.. did I get fuckin robbed or something? I must have, cause I have one hell of a headache and I cant remember shit that happened last night)

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

(Siwel, mo'tha fucka)

P.S.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...

a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
^ahahaha

b) Nope, no more booze for me.
^ actually, I have been so wasted I did that once

c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
^ yea, youre def not slutty enough for me..

d) No hardees for me, thank you.
^ god, if only

e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
^ what in the FUCK did you pull me over for? My tax's pay your salary asshole

f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
^ my friends think you are a fucking douche too, hang on lemme go get them

g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
^ SHE FUCKIN HATES ME!@#$ (with a mic in hand)

h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
^ welp, time to find some whores on the dancefloor..

i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
^ ok, you need to pull over.. NOW

j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
^ only said when less than 2 beers have been consumed.

Married women are easy, here's why - Pt 2

2007-06-28T14:16:00.000-04:00

Ok since I was tired, an pretty much just didnt feel like writing any longer yesterday I cut my post short and decided to make it a 2, maybe even 3 parter.

In my last post I explained what is giong on in an unhappily married womens mind, and what drove her to that point. I also explained how to aquire and keep her interest. The one thing I did notice however is I forgot all about the initial approach.

How you approach a girl is important.
A woman knows within the first 15 seconds if she is going to fuck you or not. This means that your approach had better be a good one.

Guys, dont use any stupid "pick up lines". Pick up lines are cheesy and make you look like an idiot. Again, be original. Originality shows creativity, and girls like creativity. Originality also displays a bit of confidence. It shows you are not afraid to think on your own instead of using some stupid line you heard while watching an episode of Sex in the city.

I cant tell you exactly what to say to a girl when you approach her because all women are different. You will have to get a feel from her body language as well as what she is wearing to determine what exactly you need to say to aquire her interest.

Body language can tell you alot. You can find out rather quickly if she has a "bubbly" personality, a "professional" personality, an "outgoing" personality, or if shes just a plain fuckin bitch.

Clothes can tell you a little bit to an extent, but you cant rely on clothes alone. A girl can be dressed like a 2 bit whore but yet not be one. It's usually the ones who are moderately dressed that you need to shoot for. Nothing too elaborate but nothign too dumpy.

Too elaborate shows she is more than likely way too into herself and will probably shoot you down because you are not good enough for her. This will hurt your confident aura for a bit rendering you helpless to pick up women for at least another 3 hours.

Too dumpy shows she doesnt take pride in herself, and perhaps is even a tad on the depressed side. Yes depressed chics are easy, but not that kind of depressed. Stay away from bitches who are on legally perscribed mind altering medication, it only ends bad.

-

The type of personality you go for is completely up to you. If you do fall for the "professional" chic, make sure you are on top of your game. This is the one who will pick up on your bullshit quicker than the others.

It is a good idea that you keep up on things such as current events, news, movies, music, ect. It will be hard to have a conversation with someone if you are oblivious to what is going on in the world around you.

The whole idea of approaching a girl is to make yourself appear desireable. I dont mean by just looks, I mean by wit as well. She can think you are sexy as hell, but if you appear to be dumb as a rock she's not going to be interested. This means that now not only do you have to know just the right thing to say, but you have to know how to say it.

This is where you are going to have to rely on yourself. I cannot tell you what to say to a girl if I havent seen her in action. I can however give you an example so you can get a feel for things then come up with your own skit.

Now then, this brings you up to speed on things. This is sort of a prequel for my original post.

Stay tuned for part 3; Closing the deal

Married women are easy, here's why - Pt 1

2007-06-27T14:31:00.000-04:00

Married women have a rock on their finger.. this is the husbands way of "marking his territory" so to speak. Since we as men cannot hike our leg and piss on our significant other we have to move on to the next best thing.. which is a ring. The bigger the rock, the bigger the "piss stain". It let's all other male's know up front from a far that this spot is taken. Move along now, there is nothing here for you.

What most men do not realise is 43% of the married couples in the United States say they are unhappy. What this means is that big sparkling rock you spotted on the finger of some hottie's hand on the other end of the bar is technically a neon sign which reads "I am unhappy and will probably go home with you, if you come talk to me".

I am not blaming this all on the woman however, and here is why;

Men like simplicity.
We like to get something then not have any problems with it.
We dont want to have to work on it.
We hate change.

Being that as it may, we are all guilty of becoming too relaxed in a relationship. We make every effort to get the girl which we are wanting, then once we do we want everything to be simplistic from there on out. We feel that we have spent what we needed to in time and effort to accomplish a goal, and once it was accomplished there should be no maintence required. We came, we saw, we got some ass.
(It's supposed to be "kicked it's ass" but that just didnt sound right in this situation)

Anyhow, tho I am not justifying a married woman cheating on her spouse, I am saying that it is a good possibility, say maybe 60/40 that the guy is partly to blame. Of that 60/40 margain im willing to say that perhaps only 5 of the 60 have had their wives tell them that they are unhappy, or that something is wrong.

Yes as stupid as it may be instead of women actually coming out and telling you what is wrong they want to play 20 questions in hopes you figure things out on your own, then get pissed off when you dont.

Ladies, if it isnt broke we dont fix it.
If you tell us something is wrong, then we can begin evaluating it. But until then we arent going to do anything. We live by the "leave well enough alone" motto. If something isnt wrong we arent going to look for something to be. If something is wrong, but isnt brought directly to our attention we still will not try and acknowledge it. Only upon direct confrontment of a problem do we feel the need to get off of our ass's and do something. Any and all subtle hints or attempts of "beating arond the bush" will be completely ignored by us.

So you ladies out there if you are feeling ignored or unappreciated then do something about it. If a lightbulb burns out in the lamp it does not fix itself, you have to do something. This is no different.

Now then, moving back to my original point..

Any woman in a bar who is married is there for a few reasons;

1. She got into an arguement and or is in relationship trouble
2. She is having the occasional "girls night out"
3. She is unhappy in her marriage

Now,
If the lady you spot happens to fall into catagory #1 or #3 the field has allready been laid out for you, all you have to do is show up and play ball. Women love attention, and odds are she's getting very little to none of it at home.

GUYS; DO NOT OVER-DO IT.

You may think if a little attention is good, then alot must be better right? Wrong. No woman wants to be smothered. Also if you seem too eager you instantly become a last call. She knows you are digging her so she is going to play the field to see what she can come up with, and if she falls empty handed you will be her back up plan.

Fellas, you have to give her just enough attention to keep her happy while having just enough arrogance about you to seem as a challenge to her. Let's face it everyone loves a bit of a challenge.. if it's too easy we dont want it. You have to walk the tight rope between available and unattainable to keep her interested.

Do not buy and or send drinks to a table, that is lame.
Automatically you are labeled as a player, and a sucker. You will now get sucked in and used for free drinks until she finds a guy worthy of her to talk to. Also you must continue to play her game until she finds her guy or you will then be considered an asshole, and she will let other women know. This will hurt your chances in a small bar/club.

Compliments are so cliche.
You can make them, I however dont. Usually the only kind of compliment you will hear come out of my mouth is on her eyes or hair. Im a sucker for redheads, blondes, and green eyes. Anyhow if yuo do feel the need to compliment dont over-do it, and for gods sake be original. Dont say something like "you have the most beautiful hair/eyes/ect." that is just so played out it isnt even funny. Be original, even if it sounds stupid. If you use words like "beautiful ect." you are giong to suond cliche as well as pussified. When you start using words like that it blows the whole confident male aura you have down the shitter and you are now labeled as a guy who will say anything to "hit on" a girl and is obviously a typical player.

I once told this girl she had "cool hair" and she thought it was the, and I quote, "cutest thing anyone has ever said to her". She had very blonde hair, but not from a bottle it was just very light. I thought it looked cool.. so that's what I said.

Once you reach the part of your convo where things are a little more open, past what most people consider the "Awkward stage" you can now begin poking fun a little bit. Once you reach this stage it is safe to say you now know enough about this person that you have found something that you can give her a hard time about. Know your bounderies tho, do not over-do it. Poking a little fun on certain things works great, but you cant come out and be like "YEA WELL YOU KNOW WHAT BITCH? YOURE STUIPD FOR DOING THIS/THAT/THE OTHER".

Giving a girl a hard time allways works in your favor because it confuses them. On one hand they think perhaps you do not like them, but on the other hand they know you do or you would not be still talking to them. This confusion helps with "walking the tightrope between available and unattainable". How far you can press on depends on the woman and her mood. You just have to feel things out for yourself and hope you make the right judgement. If you find yuorself unsure then by all means do not press it. Stick close to home base and dont make any potentially disasterous comments.

Now,
If the lady you spot happens to fall into the #2 catagory you will be able to pick up on it rather quickly. Sure she will laugh at your stupid jokes but it will go no further. Alltho there is still hope. In that group she is with there will be one woman who is infact unhappy. You do nothing to single her out, she will approach you. She will be the one who begins to be alot more outgoing than the rest of the group, and beging to try an make occasional small talk with you while "eye fucking" you as you talk. Once you reach this stage you begin following the steps listed above.

Ok, that's enough for one day.. im tired.

Women are fucking insane

2007-06-21T15:40:00.000-04:00

This is a nice one..

A buddy of mine, pretty good friend mind you, well him and his gf of quite a while broke up. No big deal, I mean it happens to everyone. When me and him met and became friends he was with this girl, meaning I have known her just as long as he, and get along rather well with her as well as I do him.

Now then, letting that soak in here you have it..

I went to go tan a few weeks back. Oh, probably 4 weeks back if memory serves. I got out and walked out front an sat down with my bottle of water an im bullshittin' with one of my friends who works there. In walks my buddie's ex gf. We talk for a few seconds, nothing major just the typical mindless chatter of "how ya been, havent seen you in a while, whatcha been into" you know, that kind of stuff. She ask's if I am going to tan and I tell ehr that I had just got out and was just sitting there talking. She says ok, well I guess I might see you when I get out then.

So far nothing really out of the ordinary, just the typical bs you say to ppl. I continue in on the conversation which I was having with my friend and we go on as we were before the girl had arrived.

Anyhow roughly 20min goes by and she is done tanning. Out she walks and sits down an talks to me for a few minutes. She says we should do lunch some time bla bla an im like yea whatever just get ahold of me. I didnt want to be rude and say "are you fucking kidding me? I am not going to lunch w/you". Besides that I figure it was just one of those casual things you say to someone even tho you infact do not want to go to lunch with them.

She leaves the joint, as do I. I go home and do the usual.. which is more than likely either play Wii or watch tv. Anyhow it's buisness as usual in the abode.. and I go to bed.

The next day I get up and take a shower, when I get out I have a txt msg. It's her an she want's to know if I am up for lunch. Weird, but perhaps her intentions are really honest and just wants someone to talk to. I inform her that I am heading to the mall, and she could make an appearance if she wanted to.

No biggie, mall bound I go

So I am perusing Hollister looking for jeans which is a mother fucker to find by the way.. and she strolls in. I go in just about every store in the mall.. twice.. and she is making fun of me because I am worse than a girl. Anyhow she talks about her ex, asks me the usual things women ask trying to get info on what he is doing out of me..

This is what I expected! I am now free and clear, I now know 110% that she is not interested in me, thank god. the last thing I want or need is my buddy of a few years mad at me because his ex name dropped or asks him if he cares if she see's me or some stupid shit like that..

Anyhow, the next day rolls around an she call's a few times. now it's getting weird. She explains to me how she would like to go to a movie.. I quickly say eh well, I dont think it's a good diea, besides I have seen everything playing. She now exlpains that is ok, she wasent really interested in watching the movie anyhow..

Ok, now im disturbed. She obviously does not care about the fact her ex and I are friends, or the fact that I have a gf. I however do care about all of this..

I kind of make a joke about it, blowing her off.. then just stopped answering when she would call. If you know me, you know that I rarely ever answer my phone anyhow so I guess this may not work, but it has so far. The calls and txt's have seemed to stop, so I guess all is well on my end.

^ Ok, are you with me so far? Good.

This is a girl with obvious mental issues.
My first problem with this situation is anyone who is that ate up with me right off the bat has got to be completely fucking stupid. However it has happened before.. *shrug*

In a nutshell I am a;

1. complete dickhead with no regard to the feelings or concerns of those around me

2. somewhat self centered prick who is not concerned with yuor well being

3. cocky basterd who thinks it is ok for himself to be cocky but hates others who are

4. incapable of having a conversation with you unless I find it interesting

5. unable to remember anything or pay attention to anything unless I find it interesting

Im sure there is alot more, but let's just go with the 5 I have listed, shall we?

All 5 of those statements are completely true, ask anyone who I am not technically "friends" with who know me, and they will tell you pretty much what I just listed, perhaps even a bit worse.

When I dont know someone, or perticularly care about them, I really dont give a fuck. I find no reason to care about them or what they have to say because I view it as a plain waste of my time. If I dont know you, and you die tomorrow, it doesnt effect me one single bit. Just as if I died I dont expect it to effect you one bit. You cant go on about your life caring about every single thing or you will eventually lose your fucking mind.

Now I ask you,
Taking into consideration those 5 things in which I described myself, do I really sound like someone who you would want to date? Yes, I agree dating me is completely different but the me you meet and the me who you date are two different people. You have to get past the me you meet first. An why in the fuck would any girl find that appealing?

I guess it comes down to the whole (You allways want what you cant have) ordeal, as well as a little bit of the fact that girls like guys with confidence. I guess somehow my being a cock sucker is viewed by them as confidence thus rendering my actions and ego problem as a front as you will for what they believe is a strong person.. I dono, makes no sense to me.

This would prob be a good time for me to post one of those pages from my book which has my theory on how women work.. but I have been trying to refrain from posting any book chapters. I may break that rule in the next few weeks tho.

Anyhow it's a bit after 1am so I am going to bounce.
Til next time.. ..yea, you know the drill

They say the water, is cherry wine..

2007-06-18T10:58:00.000-04:00

And all them women, drunk all the time..

-

Even in my drunken state I still found this rather funny..

-

So this w/end we all hit up the "party barge". For those of you who dont know, the party barge is actually a 2 story Sternwheeler boat, with a double decker boat hooked onto the front of it. It also has a catwalk going from one to the other.. which is obviously a good, safe idea when 99% of the occupants are completely shitfaced.

I showed up with about half my crew, cause that's how I roll. I dont ride solo. After about 15min of waiting in the parkinglot bullshitting with everyone in rolls Worth, his chic, and the rest of my crew soon followed. It didnt take long for me to realise most of my buddies were well on their way of being shitfaced.. god damn golf course.

On the boat I stroll, I have allready been "laid" with a nice array of neon green flower's. I have enough time to get on the boat before I am greeted with a "Hi, my name is:" tag. Ha, it even had my name on it.. How fucking cool is that?

^ Pic of my jeans the next day.. You didnt think I was going to wear it somewhere normal, like on my shirt did you? Puhlease.

The DJ starts to kick it, and off shore we begin. Fuck Jack Sparrow, I am now Captain Siwel, and I intend to set sail the Ohio in search of treasure "coolers of beer" and plan on looting every boat I come in contact with until this feat is accomplished! Well lookie there, there's a bar on both portions of this barge. Perhaps I will curb my plans of looting until another day..

Anyhow, moving onward down the Ohio.

About half way into the trip some guy comes downstairs and informs us of, and I quote "there's some blonde bitch upstairs in a denim mini with no panties on flashing off her cooch to everyone man, you gota check this out".

Now then, without even having to go upstairs I had allready figured out this is Worth's chic. She had been drinking margaritas at Roadhouse since 4pm.. it is now 10pm, you do the math.

For those of you who did not do so well in math class, allow me to figure this up on paper for you so you may understand just what I am saying.

1 stupid whore
+ (plus)
1 bottle's worth of tequila via. a shitload of margaritas
= (equals)
1 extremely drunk whore who has difficulty keeping clothes on

Now you drop down the answer to the first equasion and add it in with another factor

1 extremely drunk whore who has difficulty keeping clothes on
+ (plus)
1 bartender who willingly gives said whore can of whip cream
= (equals)
1 extremely drunk whore who now has boobs out, covered in whipcream, shoving the faces of passers-by in them be they male or femals

Now then, you drop down the answer to the 2nd equasion and add in another factor

1 extremely drunk whore who now has boobs out, covered in whipcream, shoving the faces of passers-by in them be they male or femals
+ (plus)
1 boyfriend (Worth) who does not perticularly like attention being drawn to him, or being reffered to as "the guy who is with that stupid topless whore over there"
= (equals)
1 pissed off Worth

-

This equasion was figured up in my head while all of those said events began happening where I was, on the bottom deck. No need for me to go topside, the stupidity came right to my table. Lucky me.

I have now found an overwhelming deisre to go topside, away from the chaos. It is then that I realise there are people having camp fires ect. on the river bank.. What a grand opportunity to begin yelling. I make my way to the back of the front top deck, followed by 2 of my crew members. I begin yelling nonsense and flipping people off, as if they could see my finger.. This creates a reaction from the partiers on the bank, but not one in which I expected.. No, instead I had 2 girls flash me (frontal nudity). Standing there a little suprised, but laughing uncontrollably, my friends take it upon theirselves to now begin yelling at the top of their lungs things like "show me your tits" and the ever classic "hey wana fuck". Yea, brain surgeons they are not.

Now bored with this I turn my attention twards the dancefloor, where a couple of idiots are doing the electric slide.. oh wait, those idiots are part of my crew. Go figure.

The rest of the night was just your usual drunken bs talk, throw in a few catch phrases like "we have just lost contorl of the music selections.. the power of pussy is powerfull, even more powerfull than Ronnie", and that pretty much sums it all up.

I could babble on and on trying to make uneventful things seem eventful so that you have something to read, but that would bore even me as I wrote it.

Anyhow til next time..

Just another aim convo.. about highschool girls!

2007-06-06T21:04:00.001-04:00

I logged this the other night an deemed it blog worthy.

Enjoy;

-

anno**** (12:11:33 AM): i got a fucking plane ticket to mexico that says that baby aint mine

anno**** (12:11:51 AM): dude if i ever get called on the maury show for a paternity test...thats goina be my first line

Jay x Soprano (12:11:58 AM): ahaha

Jay x Soprano (12:12:07 AM): child support this bitch!

anno**** (12:12:18 AM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (12:12:15 AM): no hablo espanol whore

Jay x Soprano (12:12:18 AM): cya maury you fuck

anno**** (12:12:35 AM): thats amazing

Jay x Soprano (12:12:38 AM): ?

anno**** (12:13:02 AM): lol id fucking die...

Jay x Soprano (12:12:59 AM): lol

anno**** (12:14:12 AM): lol u need to wear my do rag...some fuckng bling...baggy clothes...have the bitch talk about my cutlass on 33's...and how i travel to mexico to beat child support

Jay x Soprano (12:14:28 AM): haha

Jay x Soprano (12:14:38 AM): yea you gota have a couple idiots there making a scene

anno**** (12:15:04 AM): haha no shit...my mom..her mom...fucking couple cousins...

Jay x Soprano (12:15:01 AM): ill walk in wearin like 6 watches on one arm

anno**** (12:15:23 AM): lol dis my cuzin ray ray

Jay x Soprano (12:15:20 AM): try to sell maury a diamond studded cock ring

anno**** (12:15:42 AM): LMAO...maury look whatcha boy brung ya

Jay x Soprano (12:15:41 AM): haha

Jay x Soprano (12:16:03 AM): i jus had dis bitch cleaned too yo.. dat ho behind the way sucked it spiffy

Jay x Soprano (12:16:06 AM): ha spiffy

anno**** (12:16:25 AM): OH FUCK

anno**** (12:16:44 AM): sir...when our minds click...the earth will be destroyed..haha

Jay x Soprano (12:17:07 AM): satan is just sittin there waiting on it

anno**** (12:20:44 AM): dude...we need a cutlass on like 33's....

anno**** (12:20:53 AM): grand central ave...would never be the same

Jay x Soprano (12:20:55 AM): oh man, did you not make it to the gay ass car show over the w/end?

Jay x Soprano (12:20:58 AM): i was in indy

anno**** (12:21:11 AM): nope...

anno**** (12:21:19 AM): i was at redneck bars and such lol

Jay x Soprano (12:21:19 AM): my buddy said garbage friends had a pos cutlass with dif colored doors an shit sittin on 30's

anno**** (12:22:07 AM): lets jack it...paint it fucking triple candy metallica pink....and hit up the walmart parking lot LOL

Jay x Soprano (12:22:06 AM): haha

anno**** (12:22:30 AM): haha no...we should paint it like the fucking general lee..

Jay x Soprano (12:22:30 AM): LOL

Jay x Soprano (12:22:34 AM): that would be classic

anno**** (12:22:58 AM): waylon...and the donk

Jay x Soprano (12:23:08 AM): bumper sticker "your honor student swallows"

anno**** (12:23:45 AM): LMFAO

anno**** (12:23:51 AM): dude that would soo be on your car huh

Jay x Soprano (12:23:50 AM): haha yep

anno**** (12:28:20 AM): lol we need to get some shoe polish...write, "free candy" on the side of the expedition..and cruise grand central

anno**** (12:28:29 AM): while i wear that hannibal lector muzzle

Jay x Soprano (12:28:48 AM): ahaha

Jay x Soprano (12:29:01 AM): we wouldnt make it to grand cent before we got pulled over

anno**** (12:29:26 AM): get the "ice cream truck soundtrack" and put it on repeat LOL

Jay x Soprano (12:29:33 AM): ahaha

anno**** (12:30:10 AM): dude...there would be like 5 cop cars behind us...id be mumbling shit in that mask they couldnt understand me...fucking taze me

L0gicB0mb508 (12:30:23 AM): youre drunk...

anno**** (12:30:16 AM): haha

anno**** (12:30:29 AM): theres high school girls in the back

Jay x Soprano (12:30:25 AM): HAHAHA

anno**** (12:31:01 AM): fucking high school girls softball team is crammed in there

Jay x Soprano (12:31:02 AM): lol

anno**** (12:31:22 AM): talk about a night to remember LOL

Jay x Soprano (12:31:19 AM): drinking zima's and wearin those stupid glow bracelets

anno**** (12:31:30 AM): lol

anno**** (12:31:43 AM): dude...ill wear a fucking icecream man outfit...with the mask

anno**** (12:31:44 AM): LOL

Jay x Soprano (12:31:41 AM): haha

anno**** (12:32:19 AM): roll into 7-11 about 2 am....get out...buy a big gulp...mumble "busy night" to the clerk and walk out

Jay x Soprano (12:32:18 AM): uncle anibal's ice cream

Jay x Soprano (12:32:22 AM): notice the lack of the H

anno**** (12:32:35 AM): lol

Jay x Soprano (12:32:48 AM): pants unzipped, rubber hanging out of them

anno**** (12:33:00 AM): uncle branibals

anno**** (12:33:10 AM): lmfao..

Jay x Soprano (12:35:20 AM): im gona make a fake id sayin im like 16

Jay x Soprano (12:35:23 AM): an go re-inroll into highschool

anno**** (12:35:48 AM): haha....the first 16 year old with a full beard....

Jay x Soprano (12:35:48 AM): lol

Jay x Soprano (12:36:14 AM): walk into home room an stand up on the teachers desk

Jay x Soprano (12:36:46 AM): *announcement* im old enough to buy beer, i have a pound of grass in my car, 100 rolls of xtacy, and a huge cock... who wants to party?

anno**** (12:37:17 AM): haha....the class room is empty....even the guys are trying LMAO

Jay x Soprano (12:37:14 AM): hahaha

This shit was fuckin hilarious at oh, 12:30am when I was half asleep..
And incase you are wondering about the highschool bit, well, it's an ongoing joke.. Perhaps one day I will write a blog clearing the subject up.. just perhaps..

Siwel attempts joining the FBI

2007-06-05T18:38:00.001-04:00

Just a clip from a convo I had last nite with a friend of mine..

On a side note, I AM going to email someone as soon as I get around to it. I'll just peruse the FBI website til I find some email link..

When I do I will blog the responce I get. I am about 99% sure I will get a responce of some sort. Anything that stupid surely could not go unanswered.

Anyhow, enjoy;

Jay x Soprano (12:42:48 AM): dood if the govt ever read my shit, they would def wonder wtf is wrong with me

Jay x Soprano (12:43:04 AM): this guy hates anyone or thing foreign, yet all he talks about is blowing up shit in this counrty

anno*** (12:43:13 AM): lol if they read our conversations...theyd arrest us the next day

Jay x Soprano (12:43:16 AM): lol

Jay x Soprano (12:43:41 AM): theyd start to build a new jail during my trial.. then bury me in the footer

anno*** (12:44:05 AM): lol yeah...wed jus disappear

Jay x Soprano (12:44:28 AM): i think tomorrow im seriously gona find an email link to someone at the fbi or something equally stupid

Jay x Soprano (12:44:31 AM): an shoot them an email

Jay x Soprano (12:44:48 AM): tell them im interested in some sort of job.. say like, since i cant beat them i wana join them

Jay x Soprano (12:44:58 AM): tell them i have seen the movie triple-x an im interested

anno*** (12:45:11 AM): LMFAO

Jay x Soprano (12:45:15 AM): can you fuckin imagine the responce, if any, i would get

Jay x Soprano (12:45:26 AM): that email would be posted above every water cooler in the white house

anno*** (12:45:56 AM): HAHAHA do it

I bring joy to your otherwise mundane life

2007-05-18T12:42:00.000-04:00

A petition for pardoning Paris Hilton gives as the reason she "provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives...".

No, seriously, I couldnt make that up. That's the real deal folks. I dont even know what to say about this.. Oh wait, yes I do.

Ok, for those of you who may not know the meaning of "mundane" I did the work for you. And dont take my word for it, take Websters..

mun·dane - Pronunciation [muhn-deyn, muhn-deyn]
–adjective

1. common; ordinary; banal; unimaginative.

-

Now, not only is this somewhat of an insult to some, but it is a major insult to yours truly.

Also, she thinks that because she is pretty and exciting, she should not have to go to jail. How fuckin vain can you be? This cant possibly work.. can it?

Say me, plain ol' Jay Siwel the delenquent walks into a court room and sits down. After the judge reads what I am being charged with I simple stand up and state "yes sir, I am guilty, but dont you think I my presence here today has brought some joy and a little bit of entertainment to your otherwise mundane life?"

Yea, I would be writing my next blog on paper in cell block 4 if I said that. I probably wouldnt even be allowed to have a pencil either.. I would have to use a feather like the old days, dipping it in blood on the floor which had leaked from my ass from where a 400lbs black guy had owned me an hour before.

Now then, that being said..
Do I think Paris should go to jail?
..nah, fuck it. I say let her go.

Youre looking for a reason behind me saying she should go free arent ya?

Well there isnt one, I cant possibly give any logical reason why she should go free. I just think she should.

another day, another aol blog

2007-05-18T12:27:00.000-04:00

Just another day on aol..
Normally my convo's are kind of funny, but only a few are really blog worthy. The ones that I find somewhat amusing usually find their way here tho.

Enjoy,

Jay x Soprano (12:04:04 PM): ***** refunded my money

Jay x Soprano (12:04:10 PM): now i need my check for my carpet

L0gicB0mb508 (12:05:02 PM): haha *****...hates jew...

Jay x Soprano (12:04:41 PM): haha those fuckers better take a number an stand in line

L0gicB0mb508 (12:05:58 PM): *looks at number* 356...damn

Jay x Soprano (12:09:15 PM): haha thats right bitch

Jay x Soprano (12:09:21 PM): youre about 120 ppl deep

Jay x Soprano (12:09:24 PM): right behind god

L0gicB0mb508 (12:10:44 PM): i guess im goina have to step up..and do gods work

Jay x Soprano (12:10:25 PM): haha if god is waiting in line, he obviously cant help you

Jay x Soprano (12:10:53 PM): he had to bribe 3 ppl with eternal life to get where hes at now

L0gicB0mb508 (12:11:43 PM): lol ill shoot you in the face...and say i did it for god...i was just doing work for god.....as i get off scott free because the cops and judge knows you too well

Jay x Soprano (12:11:22 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (12:11:26 PM): that sir, would work

L0gicB0mb508 (12:12:25 PM): then im goina go pour a 40 on your grave...one for my dead homie

L0gicB0mb508 (12:12:26 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (12:12:02 PM): good, ill need a beer when im dead

L0gicB0mb508 (12:12:59 PM): haha one for the afterlife

Jay x Soprano (12:12:50 PM): you know im kinda torn.. what exactly would satan think seeing me walk through the gates of his humble abode

Jay x Soprano (12:12:59 PM): 1. be happy i have now arrive

Jay x Soprano (12:12:59 PM): or

Jay x Soprano (12:13:08 PM): 2. think oh fuck, there goes the neighborhood

L0gicB0mb508 (12:14:13 PM): im guess 3. should i just give this guy my wallet and let him fuck my bitch?

Jay x Soprano (12:13:45 PM): hahaha

Jay x Soprano (12:13:52 PM): SURVEY SAYS?!

Jay x Soprano (12:13:59 PM): ding ding #3 is the top answer

Jay x Soprano (12:14:32 PM): i can see it now.. demons bolting shit down so i cant steal it

..see, this is really funny now. But when im dead, and Satan and God are sittin at the poker table looking at me, telling me what an arrogant mouthy cocksucker I am as they remind me of this post, it's not really going to be all that funny..

Sat eve randomness ~ bizored

2007-05-12T12:11:00.000-04:00

The blind stares of a million pairs of eyes..
lookin' hard but won't realize..
..that they will never see

Me.

Yea, I been rockin out to some old Tupac lately.
New music fuckin sucks man, I mean like once a month maybe one decent song will come out, an that covers all music genre's. I listen to it all.. so when you listen to all types of music an still cant find shit worth listening to you know music is in a slump.

Deuce is finally to the point he's about 90% house broken, thank god.
He will piss outside as long asy uo take him out. The problem is he doesnt know how to tell you he needs out yet, so I just gota take him out about every hour or so. He pisses ALL the damn time. Guess it's partly because he drinks ALL the damn time as well. He's always hot.. I was told it is because he is growing so fast, I dono.

This pic is about 2wks old or so, so he's quite a bit bigger now.. But I couldnt get him to hold still to take a pic just now so fuck it.

Big baby..

Anyhow;

I went to Texas Roadhouse the other night, and thank god for cell phones w/camera's built into them. Because if not for them I would have not of gotten this.

Ok, now many of you may know immediatley what this is, but for those of you who do not it is a baby changing station inside of a public restroom.

Now, look closely. Do you notice anything wrong here?

First yes, it is a Koala bear in a diaper, and I am pretty sure most public places, especially restaurants do not allow bears inside no matter what type of apparell they may be wearing.

Second, if you look, the diaper is held together by a safety pin. I know, there is nothing wrong w/that as that is how they were back before the tape/velcro/wtf ever it is they use now days. But if you look to the left you will see that this thing is in Braile.

Now I ask you this,
do you honestly think that a blind person should be feeling their way around inside of a bathroom until they find this station, and then commence changing a diaper on a baby, using a sharp needle? Call me stupid, but blind and potentially harmful sharp objects do not go hand in hand, especially with a baby involved.

Hell why stop there? Why not get a grenade, pull the pin, and have a bunch of elementary school kids play hot potato with it?

..this brings me to my next Braile episode.

I did not take a pic of this but if I remember next time I will.
The other day I had to go to the ATM Machine. This machine is in the middle of a parkinglot by my bank, not inside a store, not anywhere which would be out of harms way if one was blind by any means either. As I get to the ATM Machine I notice there are instructions on it, in Braile. What the FUCK?

This is a drive-thru ATM, not a walk up one.. tho I spose you could walk up to it. This also brings me to a few important questions.

1. Are blind ppl really out there driving around looking for ATM Machines?

2. If not, do they have their dogs trained to find ATM Machines?

3. Do the dogs understand the $2 charge for withdrawing from a foreign ATM Machine?

--

The only thing I have found I like about the ATM at my bank is it comes in one language, the dominant one which is spoken in this country. No, not spanish.

If you have enough money that you have a steady enough income/outcome that you need a bank account and yuo live in this country, learn the mother fucking language. It's obvious you plan on staying here for a while, so start learning how to say more things in english than "want fries with that? french tip or no? you want general tso chicken? you want lawn edged when im done?"

Well im out for the day..
Blennerhasset Island is havin some.. something.
I should dress up like an indian and invade the fuckin joint.

til' next time..

Play like an allstar
Party like a rockstar
Live like a moviestar
an..
Fuck like a pornstar

How to ensure slashed tires after a breakup..

2007-05-06T22:17:00.000-04:00

I had some things to blog about.. but while talking to my buddy here, I decided pasting our convo would be a whole lot funnier.

Anyhow, enjoy;

annon*** (9:57:49 PM): my girlfriend is a fucking cunt...and shes leaving on tuesday

annon*** (9:57:56 PM): and never coming back...even though she doesnt know that yet

Jay x Soprano (9:57:52 PM): haha

Jay x Soprano (9:57:55 PM): you said that before

annon*** (9:58:14 PM): i am a free man...as of tuesday

Jay x Soprano (9:58:10 PM): lol

annon*** (9:58:28 PM): soo i intend to drink...a lot

Jay x Soprano (9:58:21 PM): ill believe it when i see it

annon*** (9:58:57 PM): haha...what me drinking...or her going away?

Jay x Soprano (9:58:59 PM): both lol

annon*** (9:59:29 PM): haha well she has a plane ticket....and tuesday i will be buying a case of beer my friend

Jay x Soprano (9:59:39 PM): lol

Jay x Soprano (9:59:43 PM): she going to "visit"?

annon*** (10:00:09 PM): yes..shes going a visit.....and im going to casually tell her...to live there

annon*** (10:00:09 PM): haha

Jay x Soprano (10:00:13 PM): hahahaha

Jay x Soprano (10:00:54 PM): look, it just isnt working out, see, you love me.. and i love high school girls

annon*** (10:01:20 PM): HAHAH

annon*** (10:01:32 PM): i happen to love about anything with a vagina...other than you

Jay x Soprano (10:01:31 PM): i just cant be with someone who is not open to exploring the option of an open relationship with the occasional underage girl

Jay x Soprano (10:01:53 PM): haha what you said would work

annon*** (10:02:02 PM): you win sir..

Jay x Soprano (10:02:55 PM): see the problem here is, i love women.. which was good because when we met you were one. but recent events have made you go through the transformation of a woman into a bitch. i googled it, and that process is irreversable

Jay x Soprano (10:02:59 PM): so you are going to have to go

annon*** (10:03:25 PM): now that...is the single...best....fucking amazing...break up line ever

Jay x Soprano (10:03:21 PM): haha

annon*** (10:03:33 PM): good use of google there too

Jay x Soprano (10:03:33 PM): yea, gota rep google

Jay x Soprano (10:03:52 PM): if that lone doesnt end in you being single i dono what would

Jay x Soprano (10:04:08 PM): matter a fact this convo is going on my blog

^^ Now of course, him, nor any man with any common sense what so ever will/would use any of those lines. Partly because some guys just arent that rude, but mainly because most guys do not want to walk outside and see a unidentifyable flaming pile of metal where they are pretty sure their car/truck was parked.

That being said, I do not condone using any of those lines, nor fornicating with any girl under the legal age of 18. I d ohowever ask if yuo do infact use any of those lines please email me. And as far as the fornication part goes..

I ask you please, do NOT email me pics of your fornication acts.
Do NOT email them to jaysiwel@gmail.com.
Do NOT email them to jaysiwel@gmail.com w/title reading "my underage girl homemade porn".
Do NOT email them to jaysiwel@gmail.com and add a link to her myspace page.
Do NOT email them to jaysiwel@gmail.com and add a link to her myspace page, accompanied by her telephone number.

..hahaha. Ok, im seriously laughin here..

That being said, im out.

Groove on

Luigi is my homeboy

2007-04-23T10:25:00.000-04:00

So I signed up with GamyFly the other day, (gamefly.com). You select what game's you want online and they mail them to you. You keep them for however long you wish then mail it back an they send you a new one. My first game was Super Paper Mario for the Wii. Let me tell you, it's fucking addicting. I think I have 30'some hour's play time in it allready.

Anyhow while I was playing the other night I came across this..
(see pic below)

^^ Ahahahaha pretty effin sweet huh?

-

After gettin my Revo up an running and broke in the bashing has begun. Some ppl made some insane jumps up by Jackson Pool which I found last week, so I had to go check them out. The largest of the jumps is I'd say roughly between 4-5 feet high and pretty damn steep. I got a good run for it.. (other side of the parkinglot) and had my truck maxxed out on speed at prob around 50mph when it hit the jump.

Needless to say.. I had to buy some more parts to fix it with haha

Honestly it is all worth it having seen that sonofabitch soar about 15ft+ in the air and god knows what distance. I had some pics of the jump but they didnt turn out too well. I'll try an take some next time im out.

I am going to have to take a digi camcorder an let someone run it while I go bash. I'll own youtube. I have seen some crazy shit on there w/Reevo's so far.. but nothing like I have planned!

Anyhow if you wana see what a thousand dollars looks like sitting in a pile on a table check out the pic below..

-

Welp that be all for now Ferret's..
Thou must run to yonder gas station an picketh up thy royal Gatorade

I believe.. You suck!

2007-04-09T23:37:00.000-04:00

You know, I am amazed at how many ppl visit this fuckin place.. I mean cmon' it's me bitching about randomness bullshit that happens in my life. And sometimes along the line I add a Siwel story or two. I try an not add too many cause then wtf would I have to put in my book?

The most frequently asked question is "where do you come up with this shit?"

In reply, I dont really know how to answer that question.
The Siwel stories are unaltered truths. Real to life things which have happened in my life. There was nothing to "come up with".

Most of my blog's are things that happened to me in a days/weeks/months time. Sometimes however I throw some randomness thoughts into the mix tho..

I like to think of myself as a pretty simple person, however in reality I am rather complex. I dont get pissed off easily but I get irritated quick and simply.

I believe there is a god, not because I am a spineless fuck of a human who feels they need a sense of a higher power to put their trust into to get them through their shithole of a day, rather I believe because I think everyhting around me is too complex to of happened by chance.

I hate Religeon. I think it's a glorified way of being a cult who receives tax breaks. Religeon is proof that no matter how stupid of an idea you have, some moron out there will buy into it and give you money. That moron will then persuade more morons to do the same until one day you have a complete following "Religeon".

I have a hard time believing in Satan. Why? Bwecause if there is one why has he not made an attempt to contact me yet? I mean cmon'. If anyone has an imaginative enough mind to come up with the wildestly evil shit if need be it is me. - Ok, honestly.. Yea, I am sure he exists as well.

I dont believe in the typical "hell". Hell in my eyes is nonexistance. Death w/out hope of ressurection, that is hell. Imagine going to sleep and never waking up. That my friend is hell plain and simple. There is no place for you to go to that involves eternal torment because you did not choose to worship the correct god or beliefs. This is just a way to scare ppl to coming to church and giving them money.

I understand holidays and why they exist, I do however think the way they are portrayed is absurd. Letting children grow up thinking there is a magical fatass basterd who lives in the north poll who has midgets who make toys which ironically resemble the ones you can buy at toys-r-us which are then stuffed into his toy sack and delivered around the world all in one night as he magically appears in your house is FUCKING STUPID. Whether you are placing toys or taking toys I know one thing.. Santa Claus is guilty of Breaking and Entering.

Dont even get me started on the other holidays..
Would it be so hard to just be like look, this is Jesus' bday, death, ect., ect. this is why we have toys presents yada yada. ~ Oops, im sorry. Religeon isnt about truth's it's about bullshit and money.

-

Let's see what else do I believe in..

I believe no sane person is suicidal. I think it is his/her surroundings or unchangeable events which bring a person to a point where they feel the only way out is death.

There has been many times I have felt the helplessness feeling as to my life but yuo dont see me jumping off of a building. Suicide is like your way of flipping God off and saying "fuck you, I quit". I dont know about you but I do not like losing. What doesnt kill me might make me temporarily depressed, but it does make me stronger and alot angrier. I dont agree with how the world works but I am part of it. Taking myself out of it is not going to help anyone..

I believe no person is "normal". Everyone is different and will think someone/something is weird. I am by far not normal.. I am extremely fucked up to be quite honest. But even I can look at things/ppl and think HOLY SHIT wtf is wrong here?

I believe I am done writing this..

Guess im trying to make up for neglecting my blog huh?
Groove on Ferret's

Fuck Traxxas, fuck them in the ear

2007-04-09T15:52:00.000-04:00

After some research and lookin them over a bit, I decided I was going to buy a Traxxas Revo. < is where the Revo can be found.

Looking at them on youtube ect. they seemed to be pretty much indestructable. I figured this would be perfect for me being as how I can flick an anvil and watch it shatter into 15 peices. If you have the spare time just search "revo" on youtube. You will find ppl jumping them off of house roof's and all kinds of crazy shit. This one guy jumps his about 40ft off of an upper deck parkinglot and it lands lid down on the friggin concrete and doesnt hurt it at all. After seeing this my motive was 100% clear. I HAD to have a Revo.

I made the decision one fine friday morning that I was going to make my purchase. Rollin shotgun w/CB I informed him of this and we wheeled on into Ed's R/C so I could pick this bad mo up. I walk in, ask him if he has one in a dif color than red (red sucks). He finds me one in black. I tell him "I need all the shit to make this thing work". He throws some shit on the counter and starts ringing it up. Around $620-ish later I am walking out with a huge grin on my face. It wont be long til I can really fuck some shit up..

He told me to watch the video (yes this sucker came with a fuckin DVD to watch. For the price of this sonofabitch it should have came with a porn) and the DVD would tell me all about the break in procedure ect. ect.

Wow, this break in procedure looks like about as much fun as using Tabasco Sauce for lube while you jerk off watching reruns of The Golden girls.

Anyhow the break-in procedure consists of 1/4 throttle 2 second revs. No big deal.. I set out to begin this procedure. Motor wont turn, it seems stuck. I spin the flywheel with a screwdriver and it free's up then sticks again. After messing with this fuckin thing for about 5min it finally starts.

About 2min into this break-in procedure I let off the throttle on my run and it stays open. It keeps running.. right underneath my gf's fucking car. Great, wtf just happened? I reach under there and pull it out. Welp, starter motor assembly is now broke in half from being involved in this event.

I make a call to the r/c store to inquire about a starter assembly. He tells me they have them in stock so I hop in the car and make my way down there.

(I have totally forgot about the throttle sticking at this point)

I purchase my starter assembly and go home. I replace it, and once again try to start it which winds up being a lengthy process as once it does finally start it dies on it's own. Eventually I get it runnins and stays running so I can continue the break-in procedure.

New problem, no throttle responce.
I crimp the fuel line off an the motor dies. I now see the problem which caused the throttle sticking at first. The throttle bell has came disconnected from the mount where it screws in at. I grab a pair of needle nose pliers to try an disconnect the spring from it and wind up cracking the bell itself.

I make another call to the r/c store to inquire about a throttle bell. He tells me they have them in stock so I hop in the car and make my way down there.

As I walk in he hands me a bell which appears to be like the one which I had broken except for this one is aluminum. He tells me this one will not break, and informs me of the half price discount he is giving me for my troubles.

I make it home and begin to put this throttle bell on.
Problem.
It is too tall and does not fit properly.
figures..

I go to the garage and decide to grind it down via. bench grinder. This works

I now have the truck completely assembled again and ready to run. I begin the shitty process of trying to get it started again. Finally it starts and is running. About 90 seconds later the truck stops moving. The motor revs but the truck does not budge. Again I crimp the fuel line off to kill the truck and wait for it to cool down to inspect the situation.

Mind you I have "driven" this truck about 4 minutes in total so far at nothing over 1/4 throttle.

^ Keep that in mind as I describe what I find next..

I have discovered the spur gear which runs off of the motor's clutch bell has 1/3 of it's teeth missing. Makes sense to me being the clutch bell gear is metal and the spur gear is fuckin plastic. Doesnt make sense to me tho because I havent even had it past 1/4 throttle yet.

..I am fucking pissed off now

-

Traxxas become's a receiver for a very detailed email specifying everything which has happened to this truck. I remain calm in writign it as I want it to be taken seriously.

While waiting for a responce I decide to take the motor off so I can remove the spur gear. While the motor is off I remove the glow plug and the exhaust. It is at this time I realise why the motor is so FUCKIN hard to start. It appears that the rod or piston center pin one is off center. As you freehand spin it, it spins smoothly on the compression stroke until it reaches near the top. Once this happens it sticks for a good 1/6 rotation then has alot of resistance on the down stroke until the piston is about 2/3 down.

I now send Traxxas a 2nd email describing my motor problem.

^ Both email's were totally avoided. The responce I got to the first email was;
"we will send you parts".

The responce I got to the second email was;
"that's just how it works"

Wrong Poncho, that isnt how it works, because the fucking thing does not work at all. I send him another email explaining to him I know how a motor works, as well as how a Deisel motor works which the motor's they use resemble alot as far as compression goes.

He then sends me a reply back avoiding the obvious and simply stating he doesnt understand the problem as I have not described it well enough.

I then write him this email;

-

To put it in an understandable term imagine this:
You are pushing a car up a hill. The closer you get the harder it is to push (the pinch begins). Then once you do reach the top of the hill there is a plateau (level spot) on top of this hill (TDC) where the car feels like the brakes have just been applied. It spins like this for the rotation equalivalant of 3 teeth on the clutch bell. Then the downstroke, or the downhill descent beging. The car now has it's brakes on going down the hill meaning you have to still shove it even tho you are on a decline. You reach a 1/3 to a 1/2 way down the hill and the brakes let go and the car (piston) slides down freely.

Does that put into understandable term's what I am talking about?

I understand the "pinch" and it's purpose. It's alot like how a Deisel uses a high tolerence/compression to accomplish it's combustion. The air/fuel mix in this motor is being compressed tightly til it reaches a flash point low enough for the glowplug to ignite it. To do this it is moving as close as possible aginst the head before making it's downstroke. The problem with this "pinch" is that it isnt peaky. Instead of being like that of a triangle, it's more like that of an octagon. Starts up the peak then flats out instead of instantly descending down.

The big problem is the dragging resistance on the downstroke. That shows an inbalance of sorts somewhere along the line. Without having the motor apart which I am not going to do I cannot say for sure what is wrong, but there is nothing 100% right about this motor. If the piston was to give you drag it should be constant. That would show it is sat in the cylinder tightly. Being free on one stroke then resisting on the down stroke shows somethign is not in line.

^ After writing this email and sending it at around 10am this morning I had not heard back from him. It is now that I decide to call and talk to one of these tech-support idiots.

This is where the fun begins..

I call the 800# and they direct me to some dood named Scott I think it was. I tell him I had been playing email tag with some guy abuot my truck but do not remember his name but I could look on the computer an find out. He says not to worry about it so I explain my problems and he says basically what the emails were telling me.. "we'll send parts".

Finally I tell him;
Look, this thing is a complete peice of shit. It's broke more times than not and it isnt even finished the break in period. If this fucked up motor actually runs long enough to get past the break-in what in the hell is going to happen when I run it at wide open throttle? The fuckin transmission shit itself at 1/4 throttle, what's it going to do at WOT? That's given this junk fuckin motor will go WOT w/out blowing a rod.

He ask's what is wrong w/the motor.
I try explaining the motor problem I have to which he tells me;
"That is just how they work. You dont know anything about these. They are different from a normal motor"

He then says;
"Well, I cannot bla bla bla.. You may try talking to the guy whom you talked to before about this"

^ Which is what I wanted to do in the first place..

Ok, im pissed..
I explain to him that while I was snugging down maincaps on a crank and torquing connecting rods he was sitting at a desk being a pencil pushing cocksucker. I did infact know what I was talking about and it was he who did not know a damn thing.

*there's a slight pause*

Dood, you dont get it.. I do NOT want this PEICE of SHIT. I will ship this mother fucker back to you, you ship me a fuckin check for what I paid for it, or send me a fuckin new truck that I can sell to some sucker who doesnt reaalise what a peice of shit it is and I will be on my merry mother fuckin way.

He says;
*click*

Ahahaha the son of a bitch hung the fuck up on me.

Well tomorrow is a new day.. I will begin my Terror on Traxxas once again.

Wow, I havent been banned from Google yet?!

2007-03-30T13:09:00.000-04:00

Been a while since I blogged huh?
I wuold like to say it is because I have been really busy lately.. but eh, not so much. Just been kinda doin my thing. Warm weather is here tho, that means more to do and more to talk about.. Woot!

I have started taiking pics as of late so I can chronicle my adventures in greater detail. Really it started when I got Deuce cause I started takin a shitload of pics of him. Now I just kind of take pics of everything I find funny..

Lately I have been chasing this terror of a puppy around quite a bit. I keep forgetting "he's just a baby" because he's growing so damn fast. He is learning tho, thank god. He does real well in the car which is cool. I been takin him with me if I just have to run down the road real quick.

I swear this lil basterd is like my kid. My phone had so many pics of him on it I had to upload them to my comp an erase most of them because it was lagging to shit. I show anyone the pics too.. I dont care if they give a fuck or not, theyre gona see a pic of him. I was at Sam's the other day buyin shit an was showin the cashier pics of him on my phone.. haha. The lady at BP down the road has seen him numerous times. Ususally it's 8pm or so when I walk in so I just take him in with me. She seems to not give a shit.

Anyhow, here's a pic of the lil basterd.. I wont be able to say lil much longer, he's doubled in size since I have got him.

Ah, it wont be long til he's bringong home bitches' an tearing the mailman's arm off..
*sigh*
They grow up so quickly dont they?

---

Anyhow, enough about the hell hound.

I went to the Chinese joint the other night to get some dinner before House came on, and as I waited for my shit I sat down at the table an browsed through their terrible collection of magazines. The only intertaining thing I found in the stack was the name of the person who they were addressed to. Infact I found it so funny that I HAD to take a pic of it to share with the rest of the world..

Now tell me, as you look at this, is not the first thing which went through your head the phrase "I would like ot buy a vowel"? I mean shit, how in the fuck do you even begin to pronounce that?

---

Moving onward..

I have decided the time has come to purchase a remote control monster truck.
Why?
Because theyre fuckin cool, that's why!

Traxxas Revo 3.3
Look them up on youtube, ppl do some insane shit with these lil basterds. 45mph+ right uot of the fuckin box. I have seen ppl jumping them 8ft in the air an biffing. They seem to be in-de-fuckin-structable. If ANYONE can test this though it is yours truly!

They sell a road car that goes over 70mph. I am not sure how fuckin hard it would be to control something going 70mph but I wana find out.. I am considering that purchase as well.

As soon as I get these uselessly expensive waste of time and money objects I will post up some pics. I am sure I can break at least one within the first few days..

Well shit, I gota run to Blockbuster an take back a movie.
The DUKES of HAZZARD (the beginning)
^^ Not the best movie, but some decent nudity in it..

Anyhow til next time..
Groove on.

Foreign ppl suck

2007-03-05T20:13:00.000-05:00

I would have never thought Sushi would become impossible to find in Parkersburg..
I mean really, wtf?

I have been on a chinese kick lately, and been wanting Sushi. I know you cant get it from the MTO "made to order" takeout order dickheads but you can get it at the buffet's, well, at least you used to be able to.

Anyhow I stroll on over to Marietta today in search of one thing and one thing only.
Sushi.

Now I dont really know what the fuck it is called, but whateevr it is, it's just sweet rice with a peice of butterfly shrimp on top of it and tied together by.. god knows what. Anyhow you dip those suckers in soy sauce an they are pretty bitchin'.

I walk in this joint, alone. This sucks. I hate eating by myself. You know what this means tho right? I am going to have to make my own entertainment of some sort because I have been here for 30 seconds and am already bored.

Im seated and order my tea, then I head for the floor.
I grab a plate and make my way to the sushi bar. Ah! There are those lil basterds I have been craving for 2 fuckin weeks! I immediatley fill my plate w/nothing but these lil basterds. As I finish loading my plate up one of the chics who works there just gives me that evil "fuck you round eye" kinda look. I look at her and smile as to ignore any facial expression she may be giving me and grab a bowl as I head off to my table.

I scarf those sons' bitches down in record time man. I hadent eaten all fuckin day an had been wanting this shit for 2 weeks now. Nothing was going to sidetrack me.

This brings me to round 2.

I head off to the bar once again for more of these tasty lil basterds.
This time that same chic is already at the sushi bar.. It's almost like she was waiting on me or some shit. Anyhow I do to her what I do to most ppl and completely ignore her as I begin filling my plate once again.

As I begin to load up my plate I hear in excessively broken english "suh suh". Which to sound it out for you, so you understand, imagine taking "uh" and putting an "s" in front of it. She was trying to say "sir" I assume.. but if she isnt going to speak my fuckin language I am not giong to pay attention to her.

Now another chic walks over, her english is just as stellar.

She walks to my side as to get my attention I guess.. an repeatidly says "suh suh". I have now had enough, I look at her as to say what in the fuck do you want. As I look at her she just shuts up. Im like wtf.. I just look at her and say "si".

Both chic's now have a puzzled look on their face.
One of them now says "suh reave sum foe otha". Let me translate that for you.. it says (sir, leave some for others).

I just smile at them both like I havent the slightest idea what in the fuck they are talking about, then go on about filling my plate once again.

This does not please the 2 chics.

I now hear "suh suh" once again, this time alot louder than before. I am now finished filling my plate, and as I turn away from the bar and twards her I yell "SI?!". This once again confuses her. She tells me once again "suh reave sum foe otha". I just smile as I look at her and say "NO HABLE ESPANOL" then walk off to my table.

This extremely pisses her off.
I am trying to hard not to laugh that I cant stand it. I make it to my table and sit down biting my lip as to not just die laughing. Everyone within earshot of the bar is looking at me. The guy sitting across from me in the other booth has a smirk on his face and I quickly look down at the table away from to keep from laughing.

I begin filling up my bowl w/soy sauce and as I am doing so my check/bill is placed rather harshly (slammed) onto my table. I think it was their way of telling me that I had overstayed my welcome.

I grab some napkins out of the dispencer on the table and unfold them. I place my sushi on the little tablecloth I had just made and wrap it up. 3 ppl who work there are watching this event take place.. As I place this wrapped up sushi into my pocket they just start pointing at me and looking at one another talking foreign jibberish. I now find it difficult to not laugh once again.

I walk to the counter and pay for my meal. The guy at the register apparently has heard of my actions as he does not look too happy w/me at the moment. Oh well, fuck him anyways.

I start to walk off and they are all still staring at me.. I just look at the one chic that kept "suh suh"-ing me and say ADIOS!

Haha even Chinese fuckers think im an asshole.. They had it coming.

Solid white pitbulls = myth

2007-02-26T15:32:00.000-05:00

For oh, quite some time I have wanted either a solid white Pitbull or a solid white Bull terrier. This search has allowed me to come in contact with some very interesting individuals.

Here are just 2 examples of this. The rest I compiled into one big "Siwel" archive story to read. Anyhow I needed an update so here ya are ferrets.. Groove on.

2 weeks ago I located an awesome adult white Pitty in South Charleston. I talk to the guy an he's kinda ghetto. I agree to come pick the dog up, then never hear from him again. Today, 2 weeks after our initial calling he calls me and this is how the convo goes;

him; Aye yo man, I isnt mean to be aviodin yous calls n' shit I just been busy ya know.

me; uh, yea thats cool. so when can i come get him?

him; aw dog you know wut happend? dat boy went an knocked up dis bitch we got an now shes gona have some pups man

me; uhm, ok?

him; yea dawg see i not really wantin get rid of him yet not til after dem pups be born an shit ya know. not gona let him be steppin out on his baby momma (he then laughs hystarically)

me; uhhh, right.. so.. ?

him; ah shit man (laughs some more) why dont you gimme a call in bout ohh 6 weeks i be get rid of him to ya then

me; ok dood (hang up)

-

not sure why 6wk's but whatever..
This was the funniest phone convo I have had with a complete stranger in my life. I was so dumbfounded when I got off the phone I just laughed for like 5min.. the I call this lady;

This lady has 5 pit pups. She emails me quite a few pics and the white one is awesome. Anyhow she gives me her addy an shit so I can mapquest it, as well as her phone # so I give her a call;

me; yea, this is Jay we been playin email tag about the white puppy ya got

her; oh yes, im glad to hear from you instead of email (laughs)

me; well I just mapquested it, it's gona take me oh, about 2 an a half huors to get there, but I plan on leaving in the next 10min.

her; ok that's fine. Oh, wait, did I tell you that the white one you are wanting is deaf? I cant remember if I did or not.

me; deaf? are you shitting me?

her; no (in an unpleased voice due to my useage of the word shit)

me; (highly pissed off now) is it blind an fuckin retarded too?

her; UGH! NO! ASSHOLE! (hangs up on me)

I was pissed off because it was like here, here's this candy lil boy, doesnt it look good? Then at the last minute being like oh yea, I forgot to tell you I found it in the toilet floating in a sea of piss.

Her calling me an asshole made me laugh alot tho so I got over it right quick. Yes that was an asshole-ish thing to say but she pissed me off, fuck her anyway.

DSM Diary - for sale

2007-02-17T17:24:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I decided to put my Eclipse up for sale. Yea it's one sexy bitch and it has all the goods inside of it like tv, xbox 360, ect. and it's fast as fuck but.. It's still a DSM. It seems like every time I drive it somethign happens that I gota replace or fix. Typical Mitsubishi, nothing can help it, it's just the nature of the beast.

So anyways, the 1st person to contact me was this punk fucking kid. I had no idea as he emaild me and was rather professional sounding. After a few emails of him stroking it I was irritated an told him "look, if youre a young kid with high hopes and no money or means of buying it just stop now and leave me alone as I do not have time to mess with you". He assured me he wasent a kid and that he did infact have the money an bla bla.. So after another few days he finally admits he is 17, has a gay ass Cavalier, (he sent me pics of this pile of fuck) and is trying to sell it to buy my car.

I email him back tellin him to not bother me anymore as I was tired of dealing with him, told him my car was no longer for sale and even if it was I wouldnt sell a car as nice as mine to a douchebag like him.

-

The next kid looked about 12 tho he claimed to be 23, whatever.
Being that he was wearin a strait bill hat cocked to the side made me not want him near my car. Actually it gave me a great urge to punch him in the mouth. I refrained.

He asked for the keys I gave them to him so he could start it. He says he is going to take it for a spin. I laugh and reach in after the keys.

kid; wha wha u do dat fo man?
jay; you arent driving it.
kid; wha? why not?
jay; show me money an you can drive it. no money no drive.
kid; aww man cmon' dats buuuushit
jay; you wana ride in it? hop in the pass side ill drive
kid' aw cmon man how i know i want if if i not drive it man
jay; ok, get out, i dont have much to do today but i dont wana be here with you any longer
kid; man dats fukced up man
jay; get the hell out of my car

I walk off, laughing even tho I am a little irritated.
My dad is about to fall on the ground laughing as is his buddies who were witnessing this event.

-

Next guy calls me, he is ghetto like g-h-e-t-t-o
I find it rather difficult to understand him being that every other sentence was "kno wut I sayin'?". He seemed interested, I think. That or he just wants to find out where it's located so he can come and steal it. Who knows.

-

On to the next guy..
This cat is older soundin, pretty nice fella too
He calls me back again today saying he will pay cash but doesnt want to drive 3 hours from home with that much cash on him so he located a branch of his bank here in town to get it from and will be here tuesday. Yea, we'll see if he shows up.

-

This dood calls me last night, wants to see the car today at 11am
At 10am my phone rings, it's him an he is on his way, 1 hour early. I am not pleased. I go get it, and meet him at PizzaHut. He is a backwoods redneck type and has no fucking idea what he is looking at. I know this because he opens the hood and says "ok, so what am I looking at here?". After a bunch of crap he leaves saying he will call me later. I am cold and pissed off because he wasted my time.

-

This other dood calls me, he seems like a cool cat
He then ask's me if I would be interested in trading for a 94' Integra and a 95 DelSol si, both. I tell him yea I'd think it over, he sends me pics. I guess im involved in an online game of "let's make a fuckni' deal" or something.

-

Anyhow, it just gets better with every call or email..

Anna Nichole = crackwhore

2007-02-14T02:13:00.000-05:00

Anna Nichole died, but who gives a fuck?
I dont

I am extremely sick of not being able to turn on tv or looking thru yahoo news without seeing some "new shocking" secrets/facts/pics/testimonies revealed about her. Fuck her. Fuck her in the ear.

So now the media is putting the sad guilt spin on things using her abandon baby as their fuel. Yea it sucks that the baby doesnt have a mother but if you think about it shit, the baby's mom was fucking Anna Nichole. Is the baby really worse off now that Anna is dead? Christ, imagine if your mom was that crackwhore. That child wouldnt stand a chance.

I imagine her blog would go something like this..

02/13/2020
-
Hi, im Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern
I am 13 years old, and I am a crack addict

My mom, Anna, is also a crack addict
She has posed in Playboy numerous times
She had had more semen in her than the Navy's whole fleet of carriers
She has seen more dick than a public restroom urinal
She married some rich old guy and fucked him to death, literally
She gained a bunch of weight and became the worlds first fat crack whore
She moved to meth to compensate and lost the weight

My brother who I will never know killed himself in light of her actions. He did not want to go on living being known as the product of Anna Nichole's reproductive system. He also suspected that he may have fallen subject to being born with HIV as Anna Nichole no doubtedly has it.

As I write this my mom is in the kitchen cooking up a new batch of crack. She got her new set of scales in today so she was excited and wanted to try them out. I better get going so I can kype some coke before she cooks it all. My fix is wearing off.

--

End Blog

Scary shit huh?
And you still think it's a sad thing that Anna died?
Bitch please

Now we have what, like a gazillion guys claiming to be the baby's father?
It's funny that while Anna Nichole was alive no one wanted to step up and claim the responcibility of being the father. Now that she is dead every toothless hilljack from here to Kentucky is on tv claiming to be the father.

Hell, I am thinking about coming foreward and claiming to be the father myself. Sure it's complete bullshit but who cares? I dont really want to be known as a guy who fucked that nasty whore but hey, if it'll get me on tv and in the news for my 2 minutes of fame fuck it, I'll take one for the team.

Friends dont let friends drive drunk.. ..to Anna Nichole's hotelroom

Fuck Texas Roadhouse

2007-02-14T01:25:00.000-05:00

Texas Roadhouse;

Food - Awesome
Booze - Awesome
Noise level - Fucking insane

Dood, I mean seriously, what in the fuck is the deal here? When you walk in it's louder than some night clubs. The music is loud as fuck which causes the people to talk louder so they can hear, their kids are screaming, it just plain fucking sucks.

To combat this I sent an email to them regarding this matter. After all this is ME were talking about here. They will have no choice than to make things right!

Right? Wrong!

I got a reply from the manager of our local Roadhouse and in short it told me to get fucked. Here, this is the exact email I received unaltered except for names.

-------------

Dear Mr. *****,

Thank You for taking time to write. In response to your question regarding the music level, we often hear comments of opposing views. We are a little rowdy in the sense that we are a true Texas Roadhouse style restaurant. However, occasionally we do let the music get a little loud. I would be happy to make sure you are in sections of the restaurant that are intentionally quieter next time you visit. I’m sure we can accommodate everyones preference and I hope to see you soon.

Sincerely

Duke Elliott

Managing Partner

---------------------

Ok, so he didnt say the words "get fucked" but you can tell he was wanting to. Much like the way I wanted to send him an email telling him what a cock sucking douchefuck he is.

Anyhow..
My girlfriend got bored and decided to email her complaint 2 months after I sent my initial complaint.

Here is the result;

------------------------------

Dear Mr(s). ******,

Thank You for taking the time to write with your concern. I appreciate your business and your feedback. We are constantly changing to satisfy the needs of our guests. We have made changes to the music level and hope you approve.

Thank you again for your input.

Sincerely,

Duke Elliott

Managing Partner

TRH Parkersburg

----------------------------

This is funny to me because;

1. they havent changed fuckin shit
2. he is alot nicer to her than he was me
3. im legally insane and find everything in life humerous

So, they just got another complaint from one Mr. Jay Siwel
I anxiously await my responce..

Funny story tho;

Quite a few ppl I know work there so I get the DL on shit. One night I noticed the black H2 that is allways there (I assumed it was a manager's ride) was covered completely in post-it notes. I meen totally. I laughed my ass off.

Turns out the dood instead of taking them off just said fuck it an took off driving. They were blowing off as he drove down the road. He got pulled over and given a citation by a pburg police officer for littering. Ahahahahaha

Fuck you Duke Elliott, fuck you in the ear

Alltel sucks, but Chad is cool

2007-02-13T23:46:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who wonders why Chad, the guy in the Alltel commercials has those other 4 guys who represent 4 other cellular companies in his "circle"? I mean, does he actually like these other 4 doods who represent his competition? Do they hangout? And what in the hell is up with his crazy ass hair?

Also what happened to the cingular guy? Did he never find his head from the commercial where his head got used for a bowlingball? I liked the bouncy lil cingular dood. I guess he's dead now tho being AT&T is taking over, again.

The old AT&T was taken over by the new Cingular which is now being taken over by the new AT&T. Funny thing is new or old they both still suck a big one.

I sent a suggestion to the creative department of Dentsu Inc today. They are the company in charge of media an marketing for Automobile manufacturer's such as Honda. I had an idea while I was watching tv the other night.. it goes as this

Dood is driving on this 2 lane road in the middle of nowhere, like Texas. He pulls into this old gas station and stops at the gas pump. The pump is an old style one with the rolling numbers for dollars an cents. He puts the nossle in the tank and the numbers slowly start rolling backwards. Cut to an expanded view and the guy walks into the gas station. He looks at the guy behind the counter and says "yea, $20 on pump #1". The guy gives him a funny look then hands him $20 from the register. Screen fades to black then a voice chimes in. "the all new civic. so fuel effecient you almost swear it makes it" - or something to that effect.

Im sure the idea will be shot down, then they will change it a bit and market it as their own, but eh.. they had the link to send in ideas so fuck it. Not like im making money off of it while its sitting inside of my head.

I went to the DMV today, that sucked
There is no order what so ever in numbers being handed out or being called. I dont understand their system. Are they trying to keep it in random as to confuse would be terrorists or some shit? "now serving D429 at window number 2" wtf kind of shit is that? Then the title I had was done in 2 dif types of ink. One black one blue. Of course I get the noob bitch on the job who wants to go over everything with a fine tooth comb and point out things which could be illegal ect. then get her supervisor over to look at it. He kind of blows it off as it's no big deal, I could tell inside of his head he was cussing this bitch as was I.

Tostitos doesnt have a link to send an email and complain, this pisses me off even more. I got a brand new jar of salsa that is rank as fuck. Dono what is wrong with it, but it smells like 10 day old ass.

How To: Siwel death chili

2007-02-12T11:30:00.000-05:00

I had to kind of guesstimate the measurements on this being as I just kind of freehand it all in.. But this is close enough. You can add/subtract the ammounts of things to make it spicy-hot to your taste.

-

What you will need;

x2 jars of HOT Salsa "brand pending on what type you like"
x1 big can of tomato juice
x1 equally sized bottle of v8 juice
x6 cans of dark red kidney beans
x2 cans of light red kidney beans
x1 pound and a half or so Hamburger
x1 bottle of Worstishire sauce
x1 bottle of A1 steak sauce
x1 bottle of Chili powder
x1 bottle of Tabasco sauce
x1 shaker of Salt
x1 shaker of Pepper
x6 packets of "fire" tacobell sauce
x1 case of beer (for you, not the chili)

-

Steps in the creation;

Open case of beer, set on counter
Locate large pot and skillet
Chug one beer and throw can in trash
Unpack all ingredients from the bags or locations in which they currently reside
Drink beer

Put hamburger in skillet and lightly sprinkle Salt and Chili Powder on it
Wash hands
Drink beer

Add 2 table spoons of Worstishire Sauce
Add 2 table spoons of A1 sauce
Lick the A1 off of the spoon
Drink beer

Turn heat on and begin frying
As it is frying stir in half bottle of Salsa
Add small ammount of Tabasco sauce "use your own judgement"
Drink beer

Continue chopping with hamburger masher while frying until completely done
Take spoon you licked A1 off of to capture samll ammount of Hamburger from skillet
Let cool in spoon while you..
Drink beer
Taste and check for wellness
Drink beer
Dump into strainer to let excess grease drain

While waiting on Hamburger to drain;
Chug 2 beers

Grab large pot
Add the other half of Salsa from the Hamburger mix
Open each can of beans and drain the watery shit off of them, dumping each can in
Drink beer

Sprinkle 1 1/2 tablespoons of Sugar on top
Sprinkle Pepper on top
Add 1 jar of salsa
Add 6 packets of tacobell sauce
Add 2 tablespoons of A1 sauce
Lick A1 off of spoon
Drink beer

Add small ammount of Tabasco sauce "use your own judgement"
(warning: judgement may be impaired at this point)

Check Hamburger to see if it is drained
Grab small handfull and eat
Drink beer

Add Hamburger
Pour in can of Tomato juice
Pour in can of V8 juice
Drink beer

Turn heat on high and bring to near boil
Drink beer while waiting

Turn heat down to low, cover and simmer for 1/2 hour stirring occasionally
Continue drinking beer

-

I know what you are thinking. "Is the beer really a necesary element in the process of and completion of creating this chili?"

The answer of course is YES

I dont mind cooking, but to say I enjoy it would be the equivalent to me saying "you know, I been thinking, and being a homosexual may not be all that bad.."

So you have to throw the beer in to mix things up a bit. It gives the male an appearance of still being manly while creating a manly looking meal. It also impairs the judgement enough to add just a bit too much Tabasco which gives it the hot "death" kick to the mix.

Til next time;
Cook on bitches

Blog post #1. Go me

2007-02-07T20:01:00.000-05:00

Ok I am getting this shit on track..

This page I am using for my daily rambles "blogging" I guess you might say. And the other will contain just my story archive. It is where I will place only my documented Siwel adventures. I have links on both pages to get back/forth from one to the other.

It was getting confusing, even for me, to keep everything straight when I had blog's and stories all jumble fucked together. At least this way I can bitch about things daily without disrupting the oh, weekly or so updates of my story archive.

I am going to try an update the stories once a week or so, my mood pending. There's alot of things I have done but are just too good to publish in the archive (book material). But there is alot of stuff that is equally good material to what I have posted allready, some better, that I just havent written yet.

Alot of the difficulty in writing my stories isnt so much the actual writing of it, but rather which story to write. And of course in the middle of writing it you recall something worthy of documenting which happened twards the beginning of your story so you then have to go back and redo what you have already written down.

Anyhow I am going to toy around a bit with this new setup. Get the RSS Feed's up here soon. And a few other things that I just dont feel like doing right now.

Til next time, Groove on