Jay's chili - how to

I had to kind of guesstimate the measurements on this being as I just kind of freehand it all in.. But this is close enough.
You can add/subtract the ammounts of things to make it spicy-hot to your taste.

-What you will need;

x2 jars of HOT Salsa "brand pending on what type you like"
x1 big can of tomato juice
x1 equally sized bottle of v8 juice
x6 cans of dark red kidney beans
x2 cans of light red kidney beans
x1 pound and a half or so Hamburger
x1 bottle of Worstishire sauce
x1 bottle of A1 steak sauce
x1 bottle of Chili powder
x1 bottle of Tabasco sauce
x1 shaker of Salt
x1 shaker of Pepper
x6 packets of "fire" tacobell sauce
x1 case of beer (for you, not the chili)

-Steps in the creation;

Open case of beer, set on counter
Locate large pot and skillet
Chug one beer and throw can in trash
Unpack all ingredients from the bags or locations in which they currently reside

Drink beer

Put hamburger in skillet and lightly sprinkle Salt and Chili Powder on it
Wash hands

Drink beer

Add 2 table spoons of Worstishire Sauce
Add 2 table spoons of A1 sauce
Lick the A1 off of the spoon

Drink beer

Turn heat on and begin frying
As it is frying stir in half jar of Salsa
Add small ammount of Tabasco sauce "use your own judgement"

Drink beer

Continue chopping with potato masher while frying until completely done
Take spoon you licked A1 off of to capture small ammount of Hamburger from skillet and let cool in spoon while you..

Drink beer

Taste and judge if it needs more simmering

Drink beer

Dump into strainer to let excess grease drain
While waiting on Hamburger to drain..

Chug 2 beers

Grab large pot
Add the other half of Salsa from the Hamburger mix
Open each can of beans and drain the watery shit off of them, dumping each can in

Drink beer

Sprinkle 1 1/2 tablespoons of Sugar on top
Sprinkle Pepper on top
Add 1 jar of salsa
Add 6 packets of tacobell sauce
Add 2 tablespoons of A1 sauce
Lick A1 off of spoon

Drink beer

Add small ammount of Tabasco sauce "use your own judgement"(warning: judgement may be impaired at this point)

Check Hamburger to see if it is drained
Grab small handfull and eat

Drink beer

Add Hamburger
Pour in can of Tomato juice
Pour in can of V8 juice

Drink beer

Turn heat on high and bring to near boil

Drink beer

Turn heat down to low, cover and simmer for 1/2 hour stirring occasionally

Continue drinking beer

I know what you are thinking. "Is the beer really a necesary element in the process of and completion of creating this chili?"
The answer of course is YES
I dont mind cooking, but to say I enjoy it would be the equivalent to me saying "you know, I been thinking, and being a homosexual may not be all that bad.."
So you have to throw the beer in to mix things up a bit.
It gives the male an appearance of still being manly while creating a manly looking meal. It also impairs the judgement enough to add just a bit too much Tabasco which gives it the hot "death" kick to the mix.